Motherhood 101: Honesty and Enthusiasm

When we were on vacation this spring and letting the girls pick out a "special toy" at Target to appease their frustrations from promised swimming adventures unfulfilled, I struggled to give up control to Elise, my 5-year old. I tried to point out a few things that I knew she would like, would be usable in the car for our road trip, and would hold her interest for longer than 5 minutes. She pointed out other things that definitely did not, in my opinion, hold true to those standards. "Are you sure, Elise?" I found myself asking. "But what about ____________" as I filled in the blank with whatever perceived obstacles I felt her choice presented. Ultimately, I sighed loudly and begrudgingly gave in to her choice. I was not excited about it, though, and that's where I have room to grow. That's where I fall far short of my mother.

Once upon a time a skinny, undersized, talent-less, mouthy 14-year old wanted to play high school football. His mother thought that was a bad idea and told him so. She even bribed him with money to avoid the inevitable fate of death without quarter awaiting the young man at the hands of upperclassmen. The boy stood by his choice, however, despite the mother's advice. She let him, and then she spent the next 4 years cheering for him and his team in victory and defeat, health and injury, success and failure.

I know there have been many choices in my life for which she had to cede control to me and I didn't choose the path she probably thought best. Every time that's come up, she's followed a consistent pattern that provides a model for me: she provided honest feedback, she released control, and she got behind the decision with enthusiasm.

When I told her I was getting married while in college, I'm pretty sure she thought it was a bit young to be making that choice. She let me make it, though, and has cheered and supported our marriage ever since. I also decided that, despite my Christian Reformed (and therefore infant-baptism championing) background, I needed and wanted to be baptized as an adult. Whether she understood why I was rejecting that part of my background or not, she celebrated that with me as well. When I called and told her Emily and I had decided to move out to western Nebraska after college, I know she would have preferred a destination much closer to home. Rather than complain, she helped pack, helped move, and made many visits to cheer on the Sailor girls basketball program.

Regardless of the scenario, she has given me honest feedback, let me make my choice, and then gotten excited about it. I've followed the advice many, many times. I've gone my own way on others. Every time, though, I know that I can count on Mom to be honest and then be in my corner. It's what she does.

Now I'm 33. I need the feedback and the excitement just as much now as ever. It's why when I'm coaching in a gym in Des Moines on a Friday night, she and Dad are there to get excited about my players. It's why she's so good to the assorted people I've become friends with over the past many years, caring for them and being excited for them because that's what I care for and get excited about. It's why when I told her Emily and I were going to foxtrot in front of 300 people, she gave me feedback ("You're crazy") and her enthusiasm by showing up to watch.

My daughters aren't always going to go the way I think they should. Just like their daddy long before them. I hope they have a good father to do what my good mother has always done.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. And thanks for always getting behind me.