Joy is elusive.
I was riding in a vehicle with a good friend of mine last night, and we were discussing a mutual friend. This friend (the one being spoken about) has what one might call an addictive personality. Once he finds a vice, he latches on with great gusto. When the vice ends up being more trouble than it's worth, he quits it with as great of gusto. As we talked about this friend, my car companion called him a "tortured soul," the kind of individual who keeps searching for happiness but will never allow themselves to be happy. After I thought about it a bit today, I think I disagree.
Honestly, I think most of us are just as "tortured"; we aren't really all that joy-filled. My friend's only abnormality is that he is more desperate for that happiness and more willing to do whatever it takes to find it. When he believes something will make him happy, he dives in will all he has. When it doesn't lead to joy, he quits with just at much passion and ponders the next path to take towards happiness.
I think it's a pretty common thing for people to be without joy. Most of us would say that we are pretty happy, but I think it's a cover. Facing a lack of joy is a heavy thing - to honestly assess one's life and realize that something is missing, despite all of our efforts, is a very scary scenario. So we take comfort in our comfort: we tell ourselves that for the most part, everything is okay, and that's the best anyone can hope for. Thoreau described this in his writing, saying that "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. . ." The only difference between most of us and this friend is that this friend won't be quiet about his desperation. He actively pursues an end to it in the best way he knows how. To me that's probably far better than passively accepting mediocre comfort.
I should probably stop here and a few beliefs of my own driving what I'm saying:
1. Joy: must be long-lasting and passionate.
2. The only source of this kind of joy is God.
3. The ultimate purpose of a Christian life is to bring God glory.
4. God is glorified most when we have this joy.
Therefore: It is a sin to not have joy, to not passionately seek it with all your being. I must see God in everything to obtain this joy. I can't have this joy without God. I will continue to have a nagging desperation for this kind of joy (whether quiet or loud) for the rest of my life. I must choose what to do about this on a daily basis.
Bottom line: joy is hard work. Joy is elusive. Joy requires a lot from us. And joy is the only thing that will satisfy.
This comes to mind as I watch MANY of my close friends and family struggle with their own happiness as of late. It comes to mind as I look at the past couple of months and wonder just how much of it I spent filling joy-less hours because those hours were God-less. As I reflect and attempt to live purposefully and attempt to teach kids how to do the same and try to lead my family into the best life possible (a joy-filled one, I hope), getting joy figured out is essential.
If I'm going to exhibit self-control and be who I say I am, I've got to get more intentional about this joy. And I've got to get a lot more passionate about seeking it.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Prayer: A Response
This is a topic I've always intended to breach, but the timing was never right. My last post prompted prayer questions, though, so I'm going to take a break from the Titus series to explain some of my stances on prayer. I feel somewhat hypocritical, as my prayer life has not been great lately. However, perhaps this entry will spur me towards improvement.
What does prayer do for me?
Perhaps most importantly, prayer is a reminder to myself that I'm not God. If I'm praying, I'm taking the focus off of myself and recognizing the limited control I have. I'm recognizing my place as part of the world (or "the forest" to quote a previous blog post), not the center of it. Talking to the Sovereign Creator of the universe has a way of humbling a person and making that person want to be better. I get that from prayer.
Additionally, as Coach Gardner has been discussing on his blog (see: http://coachgsplaybook.blogspot.com/), it's an attempt to establish a relationship with Christ. I believe we indicate how much we value someone based on the amount of time we spend with them. We invest time in relationships to build them. This is a relationship I want to build. My ability to hear God is severely limited (if not incapacitated) when I'm not speaking with Him.
Also, it's a matter of obedience. God says to pray, so I pray. Same with fasting, with partaking in communion, with serving others, etc.
How do I pray?
One of the best things I started doing a couple of years ago is typing my prayers out. I've got a record of my prayer life over the past 7 years. Obviously it's great to look back and see those prayers as a record of God's faithfulness, but the main benefit for me is to keep me focused. When I pray randomly in my head, my mind wanders. When I'm typing to God, it's more purposeful.
What do I value?
More than anything else, I value authenticity. I believe so much Biblical evidence exists of God's displeasure with those who "praise him with their tongue, not with their heart." I don't want to waste words with God, say anything out of tradition or habit, or approach prayer half-heartedly. I want to be purposeful and honest. There have been times I've been angry or confused or frustrated with God, and I'm very honest about it in my prayer. I believe God wants real, not routine. The book of Psalms has a lot of that in it.
For that reason, I'm careful about when and why I pray. One thing I've struggled with is the Protestant tradition of praying before meals. I recognize the need to thank God for everything, but so many times I feel like people believe the food will turn to ash if it's not "blessed" with prayer. I don't want to pray because that's what is done before a meal. Prayer shouldn't be an obligation or a way of introducing that it's okay to eat now. We should absolutely thank God for food, but we should thank Him for every cup of coffee, every Diet Coke, every package of Nutty Bars, and every breath. I want the prayer to be real and authentic. My wife and I do pray before supper, but only because that's the one time we're together during the day and can pray together. For no other meals do I make it a must: I refuse to let obligation or tradition dictate when and how I talk to God
Additionally, it drives me nuts that in many church services, there are scheduled prayer times. The church bulletin says it's time to pray, so let's all dutifully bow our heads. I've also been in church services during which it feels like we can't move from one song to the next without a prayer. The praying becomes a transition. Prayer shouldn't be a transition - for me, I want to mean it when I speak with God.
On a related manner, that also affects things like the Lord's Prayer for me. Every time I say that, I try to slow it down and put in my mind what specifically I'm saying with each line:
- Hallowed be thy name: why am I honoring God today? What am I thankful for?
- Thy kingdom come, thy will be done: I trust you, God. I believe your will for my life is best, even if I'm not comfortable.
- Give us this day, our daily bread: What do I need today? What is the bread I need?
- Forgive us our trespasses: How have I erred lately?
- As we forgive those. . .: Am I willing to forgive?
- Lead us not into temptation: God, I know I'm tempted by this (fill in the blank). I will need your help to overcome this.
And on and on and on. The prayer has got to be purposeful and meaningful for me. I don't want to go through the motions. I fear that if I'm not diligent about remaining authentic with God, prayer becomes another checkmark on the to-do list.
I've got a thousand prayer issues that I deal with. I studied prayer for a summer, reading many of the major writers throughout history on the subject, trying to better understand it. And I continue to seek more info and to get better. I fail miserably at praying consistently during busy times (which is when I should be praying the most). I'm not good with praying with other people. There are many days during which, embarrassingly, I just don't know what to say to God. Certainly I don't have everything figured out.
These are just some thoughts on the topic now that it's come up. I believe there aren't enough real, honest conversations about this topic, and I'd love to have one here. Any commentary?
What does prayer do for me?
Perhaps most importantly, prayer is a reminder to myself that I'm not God. If I'm praying, I'm taking the focus off of myself and recognizing the limited control I have. I'm recognizing my place as part of the world (or "the forest" to quote a previous blog post), not the center of it. Talking to the Sovereign Creator of the universe has a way of humbling a person and making that person want to be better. I get that from prayer.
Additionally, as Coach Gardner has been discussing on his blog (see: http://coachgsplaybook.blogspot.com/), it's an attempt to establish a relationship with Christ. I believe we indicate how much we value someone based on the amount of time we spend with them. We invest time in relationships to build them. This is a relationship I want to build. My ability to hear God is severely limited (if not incapacitated) when I'm not speaking with Him.
Also, it's a matter of obedience. God says to pray, so I pray. Same with fasting, with partaking in communion, with serving others, etc.
How do I pray?
One of the best things I started doing a couple of years ago is typing my prayers out. I've got a record of my prayer life over the past 7 years. Obviously it's great to look back and see those prayers as a record of God's faithfulness, but the main benefit for me is to keep me focused. When I pray randomly in my head, my mind wanders. When I'm typing to God, it's more purposeful.
What do I value?
More than anything else, I value authenticity. I believe so much Biblical evidence exists of God's displeasure with those who "praise him with their tongue, not with their heart." I don't want to waste words with God, say anything out of tradition or habit, or approach prayer half-heartedly. I want to be purposeful and honest. There have been times I've been angry or confused or frustrated with God, and I'm very honest about it in my prayer. I believe God wants real, not routine. The book of Psalms has a lot of that in it.
For that reason, I'm careful about when and why I pray. One thing I've struggled with is the Protestant tradition of praying before meals. I recognize the need to thank God for everything, but so many times I feel like people believe the food will turn to ash if it's not "blessed" with prayer. I don't want to pray because that's what is done before a meal. Prayer shouldn't be an obligation or a way of introducing that it's okay to eat now. We should absolutely thank God for food, but we should thank Him for every cup of coffee, every Diet Coke, every package of Nutty Bars, and every breath. I want the prayer to be real and authentic. My wife and I do pray before supper, but only because that's the one time we're together during the day and can pray together. For no other meals do I make it a must: I refuse to let obligation or tradition dictate when and how I talk to God
Additionally, it drives me nuts that in many church services, there are scheduled prayer times. The church bulletin says it's time to pray, so let's all dutifully bow our heads. I've also been in church services during which it feels like we can't move from one song to the next without a prayer. The praying becomes a transition. Prayer shouldn't be a transition - for me, I want to mean it when I speak with God.
On a related manner, that also affects things like the Lord's Prayer for me. Every time I say that, I try to slow it down and put in my mind what specifically I'm saying with each line:
- Hallowed be thy name: why am I honoring God today? What am I thankful for?
- Thy kingdom come, thy will be done: I trust you, God. I believe your will for my life is best, even if I'm not comfortable.
- Give us this day, our daily bread: What do I need today? What is the bread I need?
- Forgive us our trespasses: How have I erred lately?
- As we forgive those. . .: Am I willing to forgive?
- Lead us not into temptation: God, I know I'm tempted by this (fill in the blank). I will need your help to overcome this.
And on and on and on. The prayer has got to be purposeful and meaningful for me. I don't want to go through the motions. I fear that if I'm not diligent about remaining authentic with God, prayer becomes another checkmark on the to-do list.
I've got a thousand prayer issues that I deal with. I studied prayer for a summer, reading many of the major writers throughout history on the subject, trying to better understand it. And I continue to seek more info and to get better. I fail miserably at praying consistently during busy times (which is when I should be praying the most). I'm not good with praying with other people. There are many days during which, embarrassingly, I just don't know what to say to God. Certainly I don't have everything figured out.
These are just some thoughts on the topic now that it's come up. I believe there aren't enough real, honest conversations about this topic, and I'd love to have one here. Any commentary?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Titus series: Temperance/self-control
I find that being temperate is exceptionally difficult, especially if one wants to be connected with sports. First, as a coach, I believe I've grown exponentially in this degree. I used to get really worked up about things on the basketball court; my emotions were a constant roller-coaster, unfortunately with a lot of angry words directed towards officials. What's worse is being a fan. It runs in the family to be an especially pessimistic fan and to get pretty upset at the televison or radio based on the actions of 18-23 years olds who I don't even know. Knowing this about myself, I've allowed myself to only follow UNI basketball and football closely - I dropped passionate allegiance to all other teams (aside from perhaps the Phillies from MLB). My mood was too often determined by games, and I was anything but temperate. I'm not any better at this; I just limit the opportunities for my day to be ruined and my remote to be thrown across the room by only following my alma mater (who isn't on TV that often).
I've learned better temperance in my relationships with people over the years. I've grown so much, in fact, that after another teacher hotly criticized the manner in which I teach, it was with a great calm and collected voice that I let her know that I could care less because she isn't my boss. Growth, right? In all seriousness, my job is a big weakspot with temperance. It's easy to go off the deep end in reaction to decisions I don't agree with made my administrators, and teachers are notorious for voicing their frustration with students.
Temperance is a tough balancing act, though. If you never get real worked up about something, you probably aren't passionate about it. Passion is important. Of course, the Titus passage I'm reviewing here encourages building a reputation for a passion for good works. I'm not sure sitting in the 3rd row at the McLeod Center screaming my lungs out at the officials at a Panther basketball game would qualify as "good works." But it's important to have passion about a few things in your life, and with passion comes disappointment. Roy Williams, basketball coach at North Carolina, this week had a good observation. Coach Williams and North Carolina are accustomed to winning a lot, and that's not happening this season. Someone he ran into mentioned to him that in the persepective of the whole world, this bad season wasn't that big of deal. That individual mentioned Haiti. Coach Williams agreed that it wasn't life and death, and Haitians certainly have much more to fret over. However, he reminded the person, "But this team and this game is my life." It's what he had given his time and emotion and energy toward, so it does create wounds when it doesn't go well.
Passion opens the door to not exhibiting temperance, and I think that's okay. I wouldn't describe Christ as temperate when he was doing some major rebuking of the money-changers in the temple. I wouldn't describe Paul as temperate as he risked everything to passionately plead with others to believe in this Christ.
More important in times of great passion is the other word I used in this point: self-control. I've heard a lot of different definitions of self-control, but the one I subscribe to the most is being who you say you are at all times. When I can't be temperate, when my situation is exceptionally high or exceptionally low, am I who I say I am? Are my values still exhibited in my actions? Are my behaviors ones I would say I'm proud of? To me, that's self-control. If I say that I should control my tongue and not speak negatively about others, then I should exhibit that after an especially bad call on the basketball floor. If I believe God is in control and will give me all I need, I'll pray instead of worrying when life gets real rocky. And when I come into money, I'll use it in a way that reflects my belief in building eternal treasure, not temporal treasure. That, to me, is self-control. And when I can't be temperate, I should strive for self-control.
I've learned better temperance in my relationships with people over the years. I've grown so much, in fact, that after another teacher hotly criticized the manner in which I teach, it was with a great calm and collected voice that I let her know that I could care less because she isn't my boss. Growth, right? In all seriousness, my job is a big weakspot with temperance. It's easy to go off the deep end in reaction to decisions I don't agree with made my administrators, and teachers are notorious for voicing their frustration with students.
Temperance is a tough balancing act, though. If you never get real worked up about something, you probably aren't passionate about it. Passion is important. Of course, the Titus passage I'm reviewing here encourages building a reputation for a passion for good works. I'm not sure sitting in the 3rd row at the McLeod Center screaming my lungs out at the officials at a Panther basketball game would qualify as "good works." But it's important to have passion about a few things in your life, and with passion comes disappointment. Roy Williams, basketball coach at North Carolina, this week had a good observation. Coach Williams and North Carolina are accustomed to winning a lot, and that's not happening this season. Someone he ran into mentioned to him that in the persepective of the whole world, this bad season wasn't that big of deal. That individual mentioned Haiti. Coach Williams agreed that it wasn't life and death, and Haitians certainly have much more to fret over. However, he reminded the person, "But this team and this game is my life." It's what he had given his time and emotion and energy toward, so it does create wounds when it doesn't go well.
Passion opens the door to not exhibiting temperance, and I think that's okay. I wouldn't describe Christ as temperate when he was doing some major rebuking of the money-changers in the temple. I wouldn't describe Paul as temperate as he risked everything to passionately plead with others to believe in this Christ.
More important in times of great passion is the other word I used in this point: self-control. I've heard a lot of different definitions of self-control, but the one I subscribe to the most is being who you say you are at all times. When I can't be temperate, when my situation is exceptionally high or exceptionally low, am I who I say I am? Are my values still exhibited in my actions? Are my behaviors ones I would say I'm proud of? To me, that's self-control. If I say that I should control my tongue and not speak negatively about others, then I should exhibit that after an especially bad call on the basketball floor. If I believe God is in control and will give me all I need, I'll pray instead of worrying when life gets real rocky. And when I come into money, I'll use it in a way that reflects my belief in building eternal treasure, not temporal treasure. That, to me, is self-control. And when I can't be temperate, I should strive for self-control.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Titus Series: Motivation
Last week I wrote about the 5 attributes pushed by Paul in the book of Titus that should be taught and modeled. I promised to explore each of the five, so I begin that today.
I begin with motivation because the idea came up in the comments section of my last post. I openly wondered what is the ultimate motivation or drive behind the actions of non-believers. I still wonder, and I hope the non-believers following this blog will help me out with this. More importantly for me, I think I need to analyze what I'm motivated by and what I ultimately want from my actions.
In the book of Titus, Paul calls us to take daily action to represent Christ well and to bring him glory. For myself, then, at the end of the day I've got to ask: Did I do what I did today to bring Christ glory? Did my actions represent him well?
Unfortunately, here are many of my other motivators:
- pride
- my own glory
- maintaining comfort
- getting attention (espcially when I'm complaining)
- immediate gratification or quick pleasure
It's the thought that counts, goes the old saying. Paul supports that theory. Am I writing this blog so that people will like what I say, or so that I bring glory to God? Are my actions in my marriage an attempt to make myself happier through someone else, or to show the world the sacrificial and joy-filled type of love Christ had for his church? When I have a party at my house, is my goal to forget about my problems, or to celebrate the gifts I've been given? All of these actions are great, but only with the proper motivation.
As with most other things in Christianity, it all comes down to the death of the self. Think about myself less, think about God more. If the Bible is true, I exist to represent Christ well and bring him glory. Luckily, deep joy is one way to represent Christ well. A couple of applicable quotes:
"God threatens terrible things is we will not be happy." - Jeremy Taylor
"God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him." - John Piper
Everybody wants to be happy. One person will act one way, and another will act in a completely opposite way, both with the goal of being happy. The Bible argues that the most joy, the most happiness, comes in seeking to glorify God and represent Him well. Enjoy God; celebrate His gifts. Infinite joy is offered by God when He is the end that is sought. Temporary (and self-focused) joy comes in seeking happiness through anything else. My lifetime is a written history of a never-ending joy I receive when fully seeking God and of brief moments of pleasure (at best) when fully seeking anything else. And like a foolish child, I'm sure tomorrow, at some point in the day, I'll be motivated by something other than God. I'll put a cap on my happiness. What's the definition of stupidity, again?
Miller writes in "Million Miles" that "If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vaccum cleaner, we are living stupid stories" (124). I agree. What I want defines the story I'm in and the value of the story. Motivation not only matters - it is essential. I must know why I do what I do.
I begin with motivation because the idea came up in the comments section of my last post. I openly wondered what is the ultimate motivation or drive behind the actions of non-believers. I still wonder, and I hope the non-believers following this blog will help me out with this. More importantly for me, I think I need to analyze what I'm motivated by and what I ultimately want from my actions.
In the book of Titus, Paul calls us to take daily action to represent Christ well and to bring him glory. For myself, then, at the end of the day I've got to ask: Did I do what I did today to bring Christ glory? Did my actions represent him well?
Unfortunately, here are many of my other motivators:
- pride
- my own glory
- maintaining comfort
- getting attention (espcially when I'm complaining)
- immediate gratification or quick pleasure
It's the thought that counts, goes the old saying. Paul supports that theory. Am I writing this blog so that people will like what I say, or so that I bring glory to God? Are my actions in my marriage an attempt to make myself happier through someone else, or to show the world the sacrificial and joy-filled type of love Christ had for his church? When I have a party at my house, is my goal to forget about my problems, or to celebrate the gifts I've been given? All of these actions are great, but only with the proper motivation.
As with most other things in Christianity, it all comes down to the death of the self. Think about myself less, think about God more. If the Bible is true, I exist to represent Christ well and bring him glory. Luckily, deep joy is one way to represent Christ well. A couple of applicable quotes:
"God threatens terrible things is we will not be happy." - Jeremy Taylor
"God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him." - John Piper
Everybody wants to be happy. One person will act one way, and another will act in a completely opposite way, both with the goal of being happy. The Bible argues that the most joy, the most happiness, comes in seeking to glorify God and represent Him well. Enjoy God; celebrate His gifts. Infinite joy is offered by God when He is the end that is sought. Temporary (and self-focused) joy comes in seeking happiness through anything else. My lifetime is a written history of a never-ending joy I receive when fully seeking God and of brief moments of pleasure (at best) when fully seeking anything else. And like a foolish child, I'm sure tomorrow, at some point in the day, I'll be motivated by something other than God. I'll put a cap on my happiness. What's the definition of stupidity, again?
Miller writes in "Million Miles" that "If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vaccum cleaner, we are living stupid stories" (124). I agree. What I want defines the story I'm in and the value of the story. Motivation not only matters - it is essential. I must know why I do what I do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)