Advice From a Dead Guy About What to Teach

Unintentionally I found myself digging far into the book of Titus from the New Testament today. The book is a letter from Paul to a young missionary he was mentoring named Titus. Titus was still in Crete, a place Paul had begun a church and spread the news of Christ, and Paul gave him some advice. The letter contained:
- instructions from the older Paul to the younger Titus
- regarding what the more mature (in faith) Titus was to model for the the less mature at Crete
- and what to teach the less mature
- including what the older generation was to teach the younger generation.

I guess I've come to see this letter as a sort of blueprint for what I should be doing in my job, especially as a coach. I believe I've stated before on this blog that if I sacrifice all the time I'm sacrificing and only teach my players basketball skills, I've wasted my time. I must teach them life skills, skills that will help them be better people and lead more successful lives. After today, I see this letter from Paul as a very specific list of skills to be teaching. And to be modeling.

After reading the brief letter, I think I've encompassed Paul's advice into 5 instructions for Titus. I stuck to the adjectives and descriptions that were mentioned several times and condensed the ones that were similar in nature. What I've come up with is this - Titus (and I) should teach and model the following things:
1. Be temperate/self-controlled/sober-minded
2. Develop a reputation of one who is 1)honorable and 2)zealous for good works
3. In actions to others, be obedient, respectful, humble, and peacable
4. Deny worldly lusts/desires
5. Be motivated by representing Christ

Obviously, I can't teach number 4 and 5 to my players. I can't argue with them the rewards of eternal desires rather than temporal ones, and I can't teach them to be motivated by representing Christ. Those I can't teach, but I can definitely model. The others, however, are excellent advice regardless of faith background. These, I feel, are key to life-long success.

As I look at the list, I feel like the culture or the media or perhaps just sinful nature cries out against these. Few are out there advocating any of this. The message instead is, "Go out and get drunk or high or distracted in some other way (television, for instance) from all sense of reality: escape responsibility, gratify yourself immediately, and live for the moment. After all, you deserve it. Build your reputation by buying stuff and showing it off (one of my favorite all-time quotes: "Americans are busy buying things they don't need with money they don't have to impress people they don't like"). Make sure everyone sees your new car or cell phone or house or lawn ornament or shoes. Create friction. Stick it to your boss - it's his/her fault for sucking. Complain. Loudly. And get your picture in the paper or on the news - get that recognition that you deserve."

I'm guilty of much of this. In the next few blog entries, it's my goal to take a look at these individually, explore what perhaps each looks like, where I fall short (or don't), what I can do, and why it's so important. It should be interesting.

Consistency

Last weekend wasn't a particularly good weekend for my 9th grade boys basketball team in a lot of ways. In two games over a 24 hour period on Friday night and Saturday, we lost by a combined 120 points. That wasn't the worst part. Far worse, for me, was that I saw attitudes go south amongst my players for the first time this season. We haven't had a particularly successful season if success is defined by wins and losses; however, this has been a group whose demeanor and approach to the game has been one I've been pleased to work with. That demeanor was gone last weekend.

After the game, I spoke to the team for a good 10 minutes. My biggest message was that of consistency as a life skill. I told them they can't be part-time players or part-time people, that instead they needed to be "every-day" about the skills and attitudes they possess. If you're a rebounder, rebound every day. If you are a leader, lead every day. If have a desire to get better, bring that desire every day. I told them that they can't just do the things they say they do well when it's easy, that if they only do it part of the time, they should get used to feeling like victims (whose only comfort in life is the ability to complain).

When I look at some of my actions this week, I realize just how big of a task I'm asking from my players. I realize that I need the same speech. I've found that fatigue is the great killer of many good things in one's approach to life, and I've had fatigue this week. I spent 12 hours on a bus this week. Four out of 6 days were in a gym. During free moments, I tried to get some grad work done. Busyness (or the perception of it) is as toxic as fatigue. When I look back at the week, my patience was low. My mood was crabby and tense. I focused on myself. A lot. I forgot God at times. I was not an "every-day" person this week. At least not the person I want to be on an every day basis. Consistency is a hard master.

After last weekend I felt like I had to do something to reinforce my message of consistency with my team. I required each of the players to write down 3-4 skills/actions/attitudes they could be counted on for every day as a basketball player, and 3-4 skills/actions/attitudes they could be held accountable for as a person. They've had to post these "promises" and communicate them to teammates. I believe it's been positive for our group over the past week.

I'm challenging myself in the same way. And I'm challenging my readers in the same way as well. Tonight I list 3 actions/attitudes I want to display on a daily basis. I'm making them public here in order to increase my commitment to this approach.

Every day, I should:
1) Love my wife well, regardless of how my day is going.
2) Be mentally with other people when I'm physically with them, not be thinking about the next thing I should get done.
3) Ask God for help, if for no other reason than to remind myself of my place in the universe.

I encourage my readers to post 3-4 as well in the comment section. I believe statements lead to action much more quickly than intentions. If you're willing, I'd love to hear what you want your "every-day" actions to look like. A community of intentional people here could lead to great consistency in real life.

Non-believer's perspective

I attempted the difficult tonight: I tried to get into the heads of non-believers and write about how they see Christians. The assignment for my grad school class was to write about how other cultures or heritages view mine. I chose to go with a description of my Christian heritage, as I felt that was a more defining characteristic than my "Dutch" history. Most of my post in the grad class discussion board appears below:

Many people outside of Christianity view Christians in a somewhat negative light. This has been an earned reputation, unfortunately. Some awful things have been said in the name of Christ or by the so-called leaders of American Christianity. Pat Robertson blaming Haiti this week, for instance. Or protestors at military funerals calling America's sin of homosexuality the reason those soldiers died. Or others suggesting that the Republican party is the moral majority (or that the Conservative Right is synonymous with Christianity).

I would guess that common criticisms of Christian's by non-believers include:
- intolerant
- ignorant
- hypocritical
- self-righteous
- condescending

(Feel free to include more in the response section if you feel so inclined).

This is partly a result of a lack of humility, in my opinion. I also feel like many offensive approaches towards non-believers has been taken in the name of "evangelism." Instead of winning hearts, many "Christians" seem driven by simply proving they are right. Or improving membership numbers.

I don't mean this to sound entirely critical of Christianity. I claim that identity, after all. Parts of the negative opinion are a result of a dismissive media bent on advocating cultural relativism. I don't have a problem, for instance, with a reputation that calls Christianity intolerant. Some individual's definition of intolerance is not including everybody and allowing everything. Therefore, when people like Rick Warren (an exceptionally responsible leader of the church, in my opinion) indicate when interviewed that the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin, many in the media want to scream of bigotry. That's silly. It's not wrong to have core beliefs. Rick Warren (and many other responsible Christians) welcomes all into his church. But's it also his job to state the church's core beliefs. To call that intolerance is the same as saying Jews are intolerant for not allowing for the fact that a Messiah has come. Or atheists are intolerant for not allowing for the fact that a Supreme Deity exists. Pure foolishness.

I hope that mixed in with the negative parts of Christianity's reputation, some positive exists as well. There are many passionate Christians working hard for the good of all. They are selfless, and they ask for no earthly reward for their acts of charity and goodwill. Perhaps enough will continue in this way to create an increasingly positive view of this part of my "culture."

Evangelism: A Response

My last post created some great questions, and I'd like to address my stance on those here. First, I'd like to clarify the last post a bit. My main message wasn't that I believe I need to evangelize more (though I understand that it looks like that after reading). The realization I had come to is that I simply wasn't thinking enough about what I want for others; I had too much focus on self, and to use a metaphor from the last post, I realized I've been ignoring the forest for the most part. I don't want my story to only have one character, and I want to participate in the larger story about the forest.

However, I'm glad evangelism came up, and I'm glad I got asked some direct questions. The questions I'll address include:
1. Is the goal of "good" Christians to evangelize? Did Christ evangelize while on Earth? Is it our job to worry about the forest?
2. When you say, "I've got to care about them having life. . ." are you solely referring to Christian life? Do those who do not believe in Christ have any less of a life than those that do believe?
3. Can one care for and nurture others without Christ in their lives?

Here are some of my thoughts:
I believe it is absolutely essential for Christians to worry about the forest. Christ's Great Commission is to go out and make disciples of all nations (see end of both Matthew and Mark). Christ's example was that of huge empathy for all people, believers or not. However, when you look at his service and help for non-believers, his goal was always to give them eternal life, not just help. I'm thinking here about the prostitute at the well, Zacheus, a couple of blind guys, a woman getting stoned to death. He didn't just help; he taught and helped. One comment from the last post mentioned that Christ often told people to keep a miracle quiet. His goal in the miracle, though, was to "evangelize." And my reading of the New Testament leads me to believe that Christ didn't believe he would be able to work as effectively if word got out too early of some of his miracles. He had a plan, he had timing, and he stuck to it.

Having said that, I believe the goal for Christians in helping others shouldn't be to try to trick them or bribe them into agreeing with us about a deity. Christ's example was love for all and empathy for all. Helping others is about representing Christ: unconditional love for the welfare of others. And I don't think it's the responsibility of a "good" Christian (whatever that is) to help others. I believe a mature Christian wants to help others and is naturally concerned with their welfare at all times, not just when their need for help is obvious. Here is where I believe I'm more immature at this stage of my life. This is what I spoke of wanting to work on in my last post.

In terms of non-believers, here's what I'll say. First, I don't believe non-believers have less of a life than believers. I believe they have less of a life than they could if they were believers. I don't believe their life is less important; I just believe Christ would fill that life in a way that a non-believer can't even conceive.

If I care about you, I want the best for you. I believe the best for you is a relationship with Christ. I believe Nutty Bars make my life better; therefore, I suggest to others that they might enjoy Nutty Bars. I believe running is a great activity, so I suggest that to others. I believe UNI is a great school (undergrad, anyway), so I tell people that. It's not a desire to be right; it's a desire to share joy. And I have found no greater joy in my life than Christ.

Also, this isn't a belief for me. I know it in the core of my being. That's a convenient thing to say, but I don't know how else to explain it. I don't believe that research suggests, or history has shown, or all signs point to, or my parents taught me that. . . I am as sure about the existence of God as I am that if I drop something, it will fall to the ground. I believe winter sucks. I believe President Obama was the best choice for president last fall, and I believe he's screwed up a lot so far. I believe Diet Coke is better than Diet Pepsi, and I believe most movies with Will Ferrell (exception: Stranger than Fiction) are not funny at all. But Christ I know. And I want that joy for everybody.

By evangelizing, I don't mean I'm desperate to tell you my faith story every time I see you or that I've got to have a powerpoint presentation or a 5 step plan ready to present every time I'm with non-believers. When I look at my friends, I bet at least 1/2 are non-believers. Most, I think, would say that I'm not abrasive about my faith. I also hope, however, that most would say they know it's important to me. I try to live my life in a way that those around me know what I believe and know how that affects me. I should be representing Christ in all that I do. I want my life to sell people on Christ. Is that enough? Am I doing my job as a Christian? I don't know. But at this point, that's my approach. Love, help, exhibit patience and joy and passion, and make sure those around me know where all of that comes from.

Can non-believers have empathy? Can they love and help and have patience and joy and passion? Absolutely. They can lead inspiring lives. But I believe they would have infinitely more of all those things if Christ were in their lives, and I believe their eternal fate is on the line. And I care about their eternal fate. If I don't, I'm not sure I'm following who I say I'm following.

What did I miss? Let the commentary continue. . .

A story about a forest

In my last post, I discussed what professional story I was living. The basic premise from Miller's book that I've been writing about is that the story one is living is directly linked to what that individual wants. Story = a character who wants something and overcomes obstacles to get it. I bemoaned the murkiness of my professional story. This morning I discovered a larger problem.

Although I struggle to state what I want professionally, I've got no problem stating what I want in other areas of my life. I know I want spiritual growth (even though my fight to obtain it seems weak at times). I want to spend time with my family. I want personal, emotional, and spiritual health. I want fun. I want UNI to win basketball games. These aren't necessarily concrete, but I at least know what I'm after.

My problem lies in the fact that I really haven't spent a great deal of time thinking about what I want for other people. This morning in church our pastor was teaching about the core beliefs and actions of our church. There were clear statements regarding what our church wanted for the people we come in contact with.

I know, I know: some of you unbelievers are tired of Christians wanting to evangelize. Why can't they just believe what they want to believe and leave me out of it? Here's the thing, though - if I see someone burning to death, and I have the power to save them, I'm going to save them. I want them to have life. It's not altruistic - it's human nature. A true Christian's motivation for evangelizing is to give unbelievers life (and I apologize for all of those "Christians" whose goal in evangelizing has been to prove that they're right). I'm a lukewarm Christian if I don't want life for you and don't want to keep you from pain and suffering. But that's another topic for another day.

For me, though, I realized that perhaps I am a lukewarm Christian in this area. I haven't spent a great deal of time thinking about what I desperately want for others, what I'll fight for and overcome obstacles and endure hardships to obtain for others. I spend a lot of time on me. But in this story that I'm trying to live (and live better), I've got to want life-transforming truth for others if I am who I say I am. I've got to care about them having life, not just be mildly interested in the daily anecdotes of those who bother to talk to me first or who are interested in complimenting me.

Miller writes in Million Miles that I am "a tree in a story about a forest, and it's arrogant of me to believe any differently. And the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree." (198) If my sub-plot in this larger narrative about a forest is going to turn out well, I better get in my head what I want for the trees around me. Even the ones I don't like.

If I'm not fighting to get something I want for others, my story will likely be of no eternal consequence: just another life, lived for comfort and lived for self. I've read that story too many times.

***Note: I know some of you have indicated the site wouldn't let you post a comment. I think I fixed the problem. All readers should be able to post any comments they have. Please, post away.

What professional story am I living?

I am scared to death of wanting something bad enough to commit to it. It's been my professional Achilles heel, I fear. Continuing on in my exploration of Miller's Million Miles in a Thousand Years, tonight I explore what it is I want.

Miller's definition of story: "A character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it."

So the question is, what story am I living? I'm the character living a story; what is it I want bad enough to overcome obstacles and engage in conflict to get it?

Miller also says this: "If you want to konw what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vaccum clearner, we are living stupid stories."

Also, "Perhaps one of the reasons I've avoided having a clear ambition is the second you stand up and point toward a horizon, you realize how much there is to lose. It's always been this way."

I don't think I can really point to anything I'm willing to say I want professionally. It's always been about options for me. I never thought about doing anything other than being a teacher until around the end of my college undergraduate experience. Then it became a list of things I could do: I could commit completely to basketball and attempt to become a college coach. I could commit to education and become a professor. I could commit to theology and become a pastor of some sorts. I could write. I guess I decided I would stay in teaching until I was tired of it, all the time having in the back of my mind a list of other things I could do.

I'm almost 30, and I still can't say what I want. As Miller said, once an individual commits, there is a lot to lose. And as of now I've yet to find something I was so sure of that I was willing to risk that much for. So I got a degree, and then a national certification, and now am working on another degree, all under the guise of providing options for myself. Don't get me wrong; having options is a good thing. I've encountered too many people in my life who are miserable but don't have any options. I've always sworn I wouldn't turn out that way.

At the same time, I keep "giving myself options" without really ever committing to anything. Or perhaps by not choosing, I've chosen to commit to teaching (with several options if it doesn't work out). The bottom line here, though, is that I haven't sold myself on some prize or desire professionally, so I float around doing several things okay. My professional story is muddled, with no clear direction.

Perhaps there's nothing I want professionally because there's no room to want that. My career used to be hugely important to me. Now, if I'm listing things that I want that I'm not willing to relinquish for anything, that I'm willing to face obstacles and conflict to achieve, the list includes
- improved spiritual life
- lead my family well
- improved personal relationships
- personal health
- live with passion, don't just survive

These are my priorities at this point in my life. Some receive more attention than others. When I look back at my professional decisions over the past 3 years, they've been controlled by their effects on those priorities. That's not a bad thing. It's just frustrating to know that I'm not really chasing anything professionally right now. I don't know what to chase, what's worth sacrificing for. Perhaps there is a season for everything.

I'm rambling. I'm not sure if this makes any sense together anymore, but I'd love opinions on this topic. Any thoughts, readers?

Participant or victim?

While my goal was to read 3 books over Christmas Break, I only got through one - Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Great book. It's a personal account of the experience of trying to make his life into an interesting enough story to make a movie about, since he had movie people trying to do exactly that. In that process, he explores through writing the idea that life is exactly like story and that we should live accordingly. (To see a thousand times better description of the book, see http://donmilleris.com/books)

I loved the book and highly recommend it. I've got 3 pages of notes over the book that I really want to explore on this blog periodically. Tonight I begin that process. My commentary will neither require previous reading of the text nor ruin the book if you plan on reading it.

Quoting Miller on p. 58: "I think life is staggering and we're just used to it. We all are like spoiled children no longer impressed with the gifts we're given - it's just another sunset, just another rainstorm moving in over the mountain, just another child being born, just another funeral. . .

I hear it often said or see it written that Americans have an entitlement problem. We teachers especially love to complain about the comfort and attention our students constantly feel entitled to. Perhaps the biggest problem, though, is that no one sees it in themselves. No one wants to believe that they have become entitled, but most of us have become so used to the magnificent that it's become something we feel we deserve. "I deserve a job. I deserve a working vehicle. I deserve to be left alone right now. My wife should want to make me supper tonight, and my internet better not be down. I don't deserve to get sick - I should be alive and well each and every morning, and my family should anticipate all of my moods and needs and act accordingly." Honestly, when any of this isn't true, how many of us complain? Or perhaps a better question, how much of this are we in awe of on a daily basis when it is true?

Somewhere along the line we began to feel entitled to the sun rising and entitled to the miracle of family members who love us. Miller offers a theory on p. 59:

"I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgment. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants."

Complaining is so much easier than facing conflict with courage. Being a victim is so much easier than being grateful. So I think there is some truth to Miller's words. When given a gift, whether asked for or not, most of us feel like we need to use it. We don't want to waste the gift. Heck, give me the gift of free food, whether I like it or not, and I'm going to stuff myself past gluttonous proportions just because I don't want to waste the chance at free food.

If I don't see each day as a gift, I don't have to approach my time in that manner, though. If I don't see each second with my spouse as a gift, I can carelessly cast away time together guilt-free. And when things go wrong, I can be a victim. It's a matter of perspective. Either I'm lucky to be alive and lucky to be where I am, flawed as I might think it is; or I wake up believing I deserve better in this land of random chance.

Only one of those two perspectives will lead me towards joy. . .

New Year's Confession

"Now sanctify yourselves, sancitfy the house of the Lord God of your fathers, and carry out the rubbish from the holy place. . . Do not be negligent now, for the Lord has chosen you to stand before him. . ." Chronicles 29:5, 11

Happy New Year, and welcome back to the blog. My sabbatical was about a week longer than I anticipated, but after a two week focus on many of the people in my life (and dodging winter weather), I believe I'm ready to write again. Now I must sort through and find thoughts worthy of your time.

For today, I come with a confession of what I believe to be my greatest sin. While I do believe that all sin is equal in God's eyes, this particular sin costs me the most, which is why I'll call it my greatest sin. At least I hope it is; if not, I'm wandering without a clue. I came to this realization this week in a discussion with one of my New Year's Eve guests. Upon realizing it, I'm confessing it here with the goal of improving through public admission.

The sin is my lack of discipline. I used to believe I was a fairly disciplined person, but I think I had the wrong definition of disciplined. I thought I was disciplined because I kept myself from many common temptations: I don't use pornography, I don't use drugs, I don't cheat on my wife, I carefully spend money and tithe each month, I don't smoke, I go to work when I'm supposed to and do my job without cutting corners, I'm in good shape.

This, however, is not discipline. Frankly, these are easy for me. I've never had a desire for porn. I can't conceive of what it would take for me to cheat on my wife. I've never seen or been offered drugs. My metabolism is still through the roof. I'm not trying to belittle those who do struggle with these things. My point is exactly the opposite. I think in the past I've believed that all you have to do is make a decision that you're not going to engage in a behavior that is unhealthy or sinful, and it's as simple as sticking with that decision. It shouldn't be hard. But I recently saw in my own life a repetitive undisciplined approach to a weakness that I have sought to improve. I've found my so-called addiction.

My problem is one of not using the time I've been given wisely, especially the time between 8 pm and when I go to bed. I've discovered that is the only time I really have a choice with how I spend it. I have basketball practice and school all day, then I come home and take care of my daughter until her bedtime (approx. 8 pm). Then I can choose. And too many times I choose the television.

TV isn't bad - choosing the TV above one's priorities is. And I do that. A lot. Prayer and Bible reading are essential priorities for living the life I seek to lead. I don't want to know the time comparison over the past 2 months of TV to those activities. I want to do this blog. I want to read articles, books, commentaries, etc. I want to exercise, and I want to listen to sermons or lectures while doing that. Too many nights, though, I'm a little bit tired once Elise goes to bed. I sit down, just to watch one show. It's easy. Just one. But then I've got to check what's on after that one show. Now it's two. And now I'm too tired to do anything productive, and I could go to bed and get rest so I won't be tired tomorrow night, but staying on the couch flipping channels doesn't take a lot of energy. Maybe just one more. I've got to find out what life was like in the 90's by watching reruns of Rosanne.

These are my cigarrettes. This is my porn. I feel bad about myself when I drag myself off the couch to go to bed. I feel bad enough to be mad, and mad enough not to fall asleep right away, and then tired enough the next night to do it all over again. It's easy. It's comfortable. It's a lack of discipline.

I've got a self-inflicted packed schedule. But I chose it. I chose to coach basketball again this year. I chose to begin another graduate degree. I chose to write a blog. This lifestyle at this time doesn't allow a lot of free time. I've got to utilize what I've got. If there is a Sovereign God, then all time is a gift. Any time blown is a gift carelessly thrown away.

I'm tired of throwing away gifts, which is why I'm writing this here. It's time to carry out the rubbish, to sanctify myself for this year, as the verse above suggests. For those of you looking for some juicy sin who have found yourself disappointed by what I've written, you're reading this blog for the wrong reasons. And don't kid yourself as I have - this is serious sin. Today I pray for more discipline.