Living for the Children

I remember when the first of our group of friends had a baby. It was a wonderful and glorious and celebrated occasion; however, when I spoke to my friend a couple of months after the birth, his message was simple: "my life is over." It was difficult to understand this sentiment at the time, but then I had one of my own, and I remember thinking the exact same thing. Lest I be misunderstood here, let me clarify that both he and I loved (and love) our children. Neither of us were wishing it to be undone. What became abundantly clear, though, is that the life we had been living was indeed no more. No more making plans at the last minute. No more coming home from work with unlimited free time. Consistent sleep? Gone. The overwhelming message that the experience of parenthood taught us is that we were no longer the center of the universe, responsible only for ourselves and our spouses.

Of course it must be this way. This is a worthy and fulfilling change. However, I think it's a change that must be tempered a bit. We must strike a responsible balance in this change.

The temptation for me now (and I think for many parents) is to pour all our energies into our children. That sounds sacrificial, courageous, and even heroic, real parent-of-the-year material; but after thinking about this, I don't think that it's a terrific path. Yes, we are called to "build up a child in the way they should go," but I think we've got to be careful in the strategy.

Rather than giving up my life in order to live through my children, I should list what kind of a life I want for them, and be that. My kids don't need me to quit living and advise them; they need me to be a role model. Words are decent teachers; actions are much better ones.

What do I want for my daughters? A devoted marriage with a strong husband? Then I should be the ultimate husband in my home. A devoted prayer life and passion for God? Then I better have that for myself as well. Healthy living? Strong relationships? Fiscal responsibility? Constant personal improvement? Do my actions say those are important? Am I displaying those in my life?

I already see it in my girls. For better or worse, I've devoted a lot of the past 3 years to grad school. Elise, who is 4, will now disappear for about 20-30 minutes and report back that she's been working on her grad work. I've never told her education is important - my actions have communicated to her priorities. No matter how often I tell my girls that flatulence at the dinner table is a bad idea, my actions speak louder than my words (in more ways than one, unfortunately). They are watching - words mean little.

Were my friend and I right about life being over? Absolutely - our old lives are over. We carry a greater burden, a responsibility to more people now. But a new life is required. Now I've got to pursue all the things I want for my girls and act on those goals/dreams, not just talk about them. It's time to get busy living. . .

Purchasing Your Heart's Destination

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be."

This teaching from Jesus appears twice in the Gospels, once in Matthew and once in Luke. I think it's common enough that even most non-Bible readers have heard it, and it's a maxim on which I thought I had a pretty good grasp. One's checkbook reveals one's priorities: whatever I put my money towards reveals what I care about. It's pretty simple. A recent sermon I listened to from John Piper has opened up my thinking a bit further on this, though.

Piper used the word "follow" in talking about this text - wherever your treasure is, your heart will follow. It may or may not be with what you spend your money on; however, it soon will be after spending that money. I see examples of this throughout my life. Every time I spend money on a vehicle, I spend time and energy caring for it and worrying about it. When I started putting money into my lawn for fertilizer, weed killer, etc., I went from someone ambivalent at best about my yard to a lawn nazi. I never really cared much for the fluctuations in the stock market until I started contributing regularly towards a retirement account; now I follow those fluctuations, reading articles and listening to advice and trying to time investments properly. Whatever in my life I've decided is worthy of throwing money at, whether I felt strongly about it initially or not, my heart followed quickly and it became a priority.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just is. It has actually been quite good for me as well. I didn't care much about the plight of those in poverty in Central America until Emily and I started sponsoring Compassion children in the region. Now my heart is there. Turkey was just another country that my geographically-impaired mind couldn't find on a map until a friend from church became a missionary there, and we financially supported him and his family. Emily and I went to a fundraiser last night for her workplace, North Iowa Vocational Center, which provides job training for people with disabilities. I'm sure that those who generously donated last night also gave a piece of their attention, if not their heart, to the organization's success and that of the clients that they serve.

The lesson here, for me and for you, is clear. Be careful where you spend your money - you are designating the future destination of your heart. And if you don't like where your heart is now, put your treasure towards where you would like it to be in the future.