Desire More

In my last post I discussed how fear of the bad too often drives our motivation, rather than desire for the good. As an extension of motivation, tonight I write about desire.

What do you desire? I think the quickest way to answer that question is by asking another one - what do you pray for? I saw one study that said 90% of Americans pray on a daily basis; so I know that whether or not you and I align well theologically, chances are good that you pray something, sometime. And I think most of us pray for our desires.

So what do you pray for? Comfort? Safety? Success? Lack of conflict? I have. And I do. But the more I've thought about this (especially following a recent sermon in church), the more I'm not sure these are the best desires. Here's why:

• If I'm completely safe, do I have to trust God for everything? For anything?
• If I do achieve comfort, what then? What will living a comfortable life gain me? Will I really want to come to the end of my life and have said about me, "Well, at least he lived a comfortable life?"
• Can I grow in an atmosphere of comfort? Can I learn? More importantly, can I grow closer to God? If I'm safe and comfortable and free of conflict, with nothing left to fight for, where have I put God?

Frankly, where is the adventure in safety? And where is there a larger purpose? Is "Lord, please keep me from harm?" really what I want to be asking for?

In the sermon that sparked some of these notes, the topic was actually what we should be praying for our children. Instead of praying that they'll get into the best schools and only interact with the safest people and that they'll be protected from hurt around every corner, our pastor instead suggested we pray for these three things for our children:

1. That they are put in a position where they need God to excel.

2. That they become missionaries in whatever they do.

3. That their greatest joy in life is found in being satisfied in Christ.

And if I want these for my kids, should I want anything less for myself?

Desire big. Pray bigger. Christian or not, comfort kills.

Don't Avoid; Pursue

I want to write a few posts about motivation.

Something I've noticed in myself and in our culture in general is that we often act out of fear. We do a lot of what we do because we want to avoid something bad. For example:

• Students (including this one) do assignments to avoid getting bad grades, instead of in hopes of learning.
• Hundreds of commercials are devoted to reminding husbands to buy something nice for their wives for Christmas/Valentine's Day/birthday to avoid messing up and making her mad, not with the goal of making her happy.
• We pay taxes and generally obey the law (when someone is watching) because we don't want to be punished, not because we want what's best for society and respect the leaders and laws of our land.
• We put money in the offering plate to avoid looking like a tightwad.
• We keep up appearances to avoid scorn, not to value what we have/are.

In terms of Christianity, I think many of us have messed that up too. Instead of pursuing the joy of the Lord, we are looking to avoid His wrath. I heard a great line from my pastor a couple of weeks ago: "Christianity is not a 'Get Out of Hell Free' card." He's right. The wrath of God is righteous and scary and should be feared; however, the promise of following Christ is not the avoidance of hell; it's the offer of an eternity of pure and perfect joy.

Christian or non, let's let our motivation in all things be gain, not avoidance. Pursue the good available to you this week.

The Truth

After 3 solid weeks of not writing. . . what to say, what to say, what to say? The truth seems appropriate.

1. I haven't written in 3 weeks because I'm in the middle of a lot of basketball games, about 350 pages a week of British Lit for grad school, and a mountain of guilt about not spending much time with any of the people important to me in my life (especially the kids). Basketball is not going well. I'm merely getting by in my grad classes. My kids and wife get my leftover energy. I haven't talked to many friends/family in months. I've been sick. I just didn't have it in me to post insightful commentary in the midst of a life not well-lived.

2. The most uncomfortable place to be when one is not living the life one wants is church. I squirm every Sunday, fidgeting with nervous energy as I face all that I should be doing and want to be doing, but don't do. I think and pray and praise and learn for an hour, all things I love to be doing. And the whole time I know I'm putting a cap on this, that I have only an hour a week for all of this, that I'm committing the folly C.S. Lewis wrote of - making mud pies in a slum when a holiday at the sea is offered. It is the most uncomfortable, yet also the most important place to be. Without it, I might forget all together the offer of the holiday.

3. Losing is not fun. Ever. I've seen a lot of losses this month. No blame - just a really tough stretch. Is it foolish that I feel like basketball is the one commitment I have that I can experience victory in right now, and it's the commitment in which I have the least control?

4. I am what I hate - a survivor. I fully intend to simply survive the next 5 months. I am a person who is saying that I'll do this or be that or gain happiness when . . . Fill in the blank. For me, it's July. Graduate at the end of June. July = peace, if I'll allow it for myself. Till then, I survive. This is not how I drew it up, but I can't quit now. In 5 months I start to live again. In 5 months I start attempting to resurrect all the relationships I've neglected. Until then, well, Charlotte Bronte and Charles Dickens are my closest companions.

5. Coaching is still fun. Studying is still fun. Teaching is still fun. Right now, though, I'm tired.

6. When I'm not writing, I'm not thinking. When I'm not thinking, I'm not living. I haven't written in 3 weeks. And I barely remember any of those 21 days.

7. Yesterday I spent the day with my folks, my wife, and my kids (and a little with Jane Eyre). It was a good day.

8. In 36 days I depart with my wife on a cruise to celebrate 10 years of marriage. For five days, to hell with British Lit and checking papers.

With 30 spare minutes and a desire to post, I didn't know what else to write other than the truth. Sometimes truth is more than fact (I have a million blessings); it's also fatigue and emotions (see above). Hope it's not as whiny as I fear it to be. It's not pretty, but it's real. Thanks for listening.