Worshiping Weakness

As evidenced by this blog, I'm someone who tries to look carefully and purposefully at how I'm living in order to find a way to live better. It's the coach in me, wanting to look at more film and break down more stats in order to create the best practice or workout plan to win now, tomorrow, and in the future. I believe in it for my players, and I believe in it for me. God commands, "Consider your ways!" in Haggai, and it is a command that I take to heart.

I don't think that I'm special or in any way alone because of this. The market is flooded by books, videos, lectures, etc. offering advice and information to make us better and attack the weaknesses that keep us from our potential. That is all well and good. I think we must be careful in this pursuit of the perfect "me," however.

While the motivation of living a better life is important, the potential actions that it creates are dangerous. There is no other way to see it than to understand that the more I focus on myself, the less I focus on God. And all of a sudden, the perfect me becomes my god.

I've spent a great deal of the last decade and a half constantly asking what God's will for my life is. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that God's will for me isn't to be in a certain job in a certain city with certain people doing certain ministries. More than anything, His will is for me to focus on Him. To want to focus on the possibilities in my life more than to focus on the grandeur of God is mere idol worship.

I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I'd like. I watch too much late night TV. I don't pray enough or read enough. I weigh 5 pounds more than I'd like, but I still consume Nutty Bars; and every day I wake up and say I'll have less coffee and then fail. I get crabby when I'm tired, and sometimes when I'm not. I run my mouth when I shouldn't, stay quiet when I shouldn't, and worry about my image.

And God is God.

It shouldn't be a tough decision to figure out where to place my focus.

I cannot, and should not ignore my own weaknesses. I can't be okay to stay as I am. But I will be much more effective at living better if I'm looking at the Holy One. Staring at the Source of all true joy will bring much more of it than will putting a microscope on my flaws.