The Start of Something

In my month of praying big, I've allowed myself one prayer for myself. One dream.

I've always wanted to write a book, but I've wanted that in the same way that I've wanted to learn how to play the guitar or become fluent in Spanish. Technically speaking, yes, I do want those things to happen, but not enough to do anything right now. Someday, I tell myself. Maybe. If it works out.

No more.

I want to write. I'm going to pursue writing at some level, hopefully eventually writing that ends up in a nice bound collection of 200 or so pages with some clever design on the book jacket and a catchy title. If those are stilled being made by the time I accomplish this. (I hope so; I hate the Kindle.)

I realize that by saying this publicly, I incur the risk of being asked, "How's that whole writing thing going?" somewhere in the distant future with nothing but a shrug and empty blog posts to point to. But that's good pressure. I do want this to happen. The more blogging I do, and the more I read from other people, the more I want to find a way. So I'm committing to finding a way. I don't know what it will look like, and I don't know exactly what, when, and how I'll get serious about it. But I'm going to click the "publish post" button on blogger in a few minutes, and this statement will be out there. I'm on the hook to get myself moving. I started by telling God and trying to get Him on board.

This is a dangerous desire for me and requires constant introspection. Do I want this because I want people to read what I have to say and give me praise? Or do I want this as an opportunity to bring glory to God? This blog itself is part of that. Obviously I want people to follow my blog. I want more and more people to read what I write. And I want them to think it's good writing and be challenged by it. But do I want that because that brings me value, or do I want the truth and love of Christ to pour through the words? Am I hoping for people to have a positive judgment of me as a person, or a clearer vision of the successes and struggles of an average Christian? It's a fine line to walk. And it's a hard question to answer.

Donald Miller had a great post about this recently. One excerpt I particularly liked is this:

As creators, when we seek glory from people, we drink from a poisonous well. We can get love from other people, for sure. But love and glory are different. Love from our friends comforts, but glory, that is the love of God that will be poured through our souls upon our reunion, is what we are really looking for.

This no doubt will be a long journey with many obstacles and rejections and probably bad writing (though hopefully not many impure motives). Of course, it could be a short road if God says He's got different plans. I can accept that. But I can't accept still saying 10 years down the road that I hope it happens someday. I want to be 10 years closer to my goal. So it begins. . .