Part of the traditional American Dream is for parents to want their children to be better off than they were. Many people work hard to provide opportunities for their children that they never had so that the children can live better than they did. I partly subscribe to this goal.
I have no dreams or wishes for my daughters concerning money. I have no hopes that they will end up “better off” than I am financially. It is inconsequential to me. Frankly, part of me hopes that they will face some sort of financial hardship in their lives, a time when money is tight and they must make choices about how to use scarce resources and learn that their joy has very little to do with their bank account. If they end up with a great deal of money, I simply pray that they understand that to whom much has been given, much is to be expected.
I do wish for them to be better than me, however. Not with money, but with people. The other night on our drive home, I was speaking with Elise, my 3 year old, about the phrase, “I got your back.” I said it to her, and she wanted to know what that meant. I explained to her about it being a promise to be there for someone else, to care greatly about their happiness, to support them in tough times and celebrate with them in good times. I explained to her that as a family, it’s important for us to have each others’ backs. We spoke about how her younger sister, Leah, would especially need her to have her back. This is what family’s do.
Pretty much immediately I realized that I was perhaps the world’s worst person to be teaching this to her. I did not have my sisters’ backs while we were growing up. Oh, I played with them and interacted with them at appropriate times. I don’t think I was mean. I was just, well, absent. Self-absorbed may be a better word. Or perhaps jackass. I lived in my own world. I worked hard to achieve my own personal goals, and I focused solely on those goals. I had no idea what was important to my sisters when they were younger. I couldn’t celebrate the good times and support them in the bad because I really had no idea about any of their times, good or bad. I had goals, and I was reaching for them. I had nobody’s back but my own.
Now, there’s little I can do in support of them other than prayer. One is married, the other five states away. We’re adults - they probably don’t need much from me. I “have their backs” now, but how much can I really do?
In this way I want my children to end up “better off” than their father. I want them to know they can count on each other from years of practice, not hope that they’ll find support in adulthood. I want them motivated and focused on success in their youth, just not so much on self.
Elise and I talked about Libya last night. And Japan. She enjoys looking through the pictures of my Time Magazine. She’s worried about that mean king in Libya and the people he’s hurting and all the smoke in those pictures. She’s concerned about the people without homes in Japan. She’s learning the world is bigger than her immediate desires. In this way, with a global perspective and familial pride, her and her sister will be better than me.
I do wish for them to be better than me, however. Not with money, but with people. The other night on our drive home, I was speaking with Elise, my 3 year old, about the phrase, “I got your back.” I said it to her, and she wanted to know what that meant. I explained to her about it being a promise to be there for someone else, to care greatly about their happiness, to support them in tough times and celebrate with them in good times. I explained to her that as a family, it’s important for us to have each others’ backs. We spoke about how her younger sister, Leah, would especially need her to have her back. This is what family’s do.
Pretty much immediately I realized that I was perhaps the world’s worst person to be teaching this to her. I did not have my sisters’ backs while we were growing up. Oh, I played with them and interacted with them at appropriate times. I don’t think I was mean. I was just, well, absent. Self-absorbed may be a better word. Or perhaps jackass. I lived in my own world. I worked hard to achieve my own personal goals, and I focused solely on those goals. I had no idea what was important to my sisters when they were younger. I couldn’t celebrate the good times and support them in the bad because I really had no idea about any of their times, good or bad. I had goals, and I was reaching for them. I had nobody’s back but my own.
Now, there’s little I can do in support of them other than prayer. One is married, the other five states away. We’re adults - they probably don’t need much from me. I “have their backs” now, but how much can I really do?
In this way I want my children to end up “better off” than their father. I want them to know they can count on each other from years of practice, not hope that they’ll find support in adulthood. I want them motivated and focused on success in their youth, just not so much on self.
Elise and I talked about Libya last night. And Japan. She enjoys looking through the pictures of my Time Magazine. She’s worried about that mean king in Libya and the people he’s hurting and all the smoke in those pictures. She’s concerned about the people without homes in Japan. She’s learning the world is bigger than her immediate desires. In this way, with a global perspective and familial pride, her and her sister will be better than me.
Really, Dykstra, are you really setting the bar very high for your kids? :) just have to give my fellow Loper a hard time. See you ALL to soon.
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