Saturday, January 31, 2015

Words, Words, Words

At the beginning of the year, I challenged myself to write 13,000 words per month in the form of blog posts, letters, and prayer. I achieved success in January: with this post, my count for the month is 13,584

I put myself under the deadline because I was unhappy with who I was becoming, and who I was becoming was a direct result of what I was or was not doing. I knew that at the very least I would like my work, my hours spent, and my mental framework a lot more if I committed time to prayer, people, and writing.

I was right.

It's been a good month. This is my eighth blog post; I didn't have eight in any month in 2014. My two letters were two more than I sent all last year. I'm studying, reflecting, and thinking more; more importantly, I'm thinking of other people more as well.

The action that's seen the biggest improvement with the biggest results has been in prayer. I completed over 6,000 words and 11 pages of written prayer over the month. In comparison, in the final six months of 2014, I prayed 7,600 measly words. I borrowed words from St. Augustine for some prayers; I committed others to praying only for friends and family rather than myself. I faced my own weaknesses, admitted my dependence, and accepted that those weaknesses will not be strengthened through a one-time-only quick petition. I prayed in frustration and in praise, in failure and in success. After a month of consistent prayer, my life has not changed. My soul, however, has.

I read an interesting article on prayer this week entitled "8 Lessons from the School of Prayer." In those 8 lessons, one was particularly relevant to my journey this month: Much praying is not done because we do not plan to pray.

Hoping to pray is different than planning to pray. Putting myself under the gun to write 13,000 words and knowing that I needed to write approximately 500 words a day made it advantageous to pray. I defaulted to prayer, especially when I had no specific writing ideas. It often led to letter or blog ideas; it always created more peace. This idea of planning is not exclusive, obviously, to prayer. Whatever you want to do needs to be put in the schedule. Not doing something, even something you know you enjoy, is always easier.

A final reflection on prayer this month is this: it is shocking how quickly anger and frustration - whether rational or petty - dissipates with prayer. After the only loss this month for my beloved Panther men's basketball team (#18 in the country as I write this), I spent a good hour stewing. After a second half full of angry remote control throws and exasperated pleas (Just make a free throw!!!) that fell upon deaf ears, I sulked on the couch flipping through channels while muttering "stupid Panthers" under my breath every couple of minutes. It threatened to ruin my night. Eventually I got up, sat at the table, opened the laptop, and clicked on my prayer document. After fifteen minutes of prayer, I had forgotten all about the Panthers. Reason prevailed.

I could name four or five events from the month that stirred my frustration - parenting failures, financial pitfalls, etc. On the days when I was wise enough to open that prayer document and type away, rather than stubbornly default to persistent and bubbling rage, I regained an eternal perspective quite quickly. And the world looks so much better from that perspective.

February will be a challenge - I get 3 fewer days to get to 13,000. But the number remains. The deadline remains. I'm planning to do what I want so that I can be who I want to be.

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