On the Shoulders of Saints

I have found myself moved by the prayers of St. Augustine in his book Confessions, written in approximately 400 A.D. I slowly worked myself through that book at the end of last year, and I'm now reaping the rewards of the notes I took and the passages I've collected.

Missing consistency in my prayer life but seeking improvement, I've tried to sit down at the keyboard more and type away my petitions. So many times, though, I find no words. Amazing, I know, that I would find myself without something to say to anyone, let alone the Almighty. Facing that obstacle, though, has led me to borrow from Augustine's words in order to find my own.

Using his soul's outpouring, I've discovered what I did not know was there. I've found words to describe intense longings, sorrows, laments, joys, temptations, and dependence in a way I routinely could not on my own.

Perhaps the most powerful  of his prayers is found throughout Book 10 of Confessions: "Give what you command, and command what you will."

This is a bold prayer. I've always been hesitant to say to God, "Give me. . ." But here the request is for the strength and opportunity to follow whatever God's commands for Augustine might be. It is bold also in that it almost dares God to command whatever he may. There is a swagger to this prayer, a sureness that Augustine can accomplish whatever he is commanded to do.

From where does this confidence come? From knowing that it is God who provides it. From knowing that God's will shall be done, and whatever command is His will is not only possible, but inevitable. Paradoxically, it is a confidence based on dependence; Augustine knows he can do all, for it is God who does it through him.

I've spent a great deal of my life seeking "God's will" for my decisions. It is a worthy question to ask. But God's will, I believe, is in this prayer. That confidence, that dependence, that willingness to do all and conquer all and face all and suffer all, regardless of the command, that is where we should be in all of life's questions and decisions. Give me the strength, Lord, and I will do whatever you ask. I will join in your work, I will serve where you want me to serve, I will claim my corner of the universe for your glory and boldly proclaim your love and strength and my helpless dependence.

A bold prayer indeed. Do I have that kind of faith? Am I ready for such a prayer? I don't know. But I find my faith, weak as it may be, reaching, growing, and taking shape the more I stand on the shoulders of the saints who have gone before.