Leah has always been a battler. She's stubborn. It's tough to attribute poor motives to a 14 month old, but I'm pretty sure she could walk for a good month or two before she started but waited just to spite me. She grunts and growls and will not move an inch if you ask her to. She waits until we're sitting down to get into something she knows she's not supposed to, then she looks over at us to see if we've got the energy to stop her. If we do, she waits until were sitting once again and returns to the battle.
Elise, the three year old, has also picked up the battling pace recently. She loves battles at meal time, even with food she loves. She engaged in a "sit-in," Civil Rights Movement style, in our bathroom the other day, protesting the fact that I told her to wash her hands after using the toilet. There are days when she is just looking for a fight.
My biggest problem is that my daughters have too much of me in them.
My mother and I had epic battles. I was a battler, and I fought hard to get my way. There were few areas of my life that I didn't feel were worthy of fighting for; and looking back, and I'm pretty sure sometimes I just liked the battle itself. I don't think I was a bad kid; I just liked to argue. Verbal combat was the game, and I was a relentless participant. Somehow, someway, my mother answered the challenge.
If I ever brought home decent grades, but not great grades, we fought. I used the weak, "Well I tried, you should be happy with that and love me anyway" horse manure response. She knew I could do better and told me so.
Homework was another source of contention. She'd always ask if I had any. I'd tell her I had "optional" homework, which was code for I'd do it if I felt like it and she should leave me alone about it. But she didn't.
One semester of high school I had a study hall first period. On late nights I'd beg to stay home and sleep in until I had an actual class. Who cares if I miss study hall anyway? She'd say no. I was supposed to be there, so I should be there. I came at her every time, with the same tired reasons and logic. I tried to beat her down. Every time she said no.
One weekend night I wanted to go see my girlfriend. There was an epic snowstorm, and I was determined to go. Mom said no. I carried on for a good long time, arguing about how wrong she was. And on and on it went.
Now I look back and see how stupid I was. I know what school is like and the expectations on students. I should have been ashamed anytime I didn't bring home an A. I'm appalled at all the homework that doesn't get done by my students now, perhaps even more so by the homework that does get done through cheating and half efforts. I'm shocked by the attendance problems and the unwillingness of kids (and adults) to not be where they're supposed to be. And I'm smart enough to stay out of snowstorms.
Too many kids today have parents who have quit battling because it just gets old. They get beaten down and frustrated. I don't blame them. I'm already tired of battling my 3 year old.
But my mother never quit battling. She never got beaten down (even though I may have made her feel that way), and she didn't stop asking questions. And I'm thankful every day that she did.
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