Root of Losing Peace

I've discovered a couple of things during my time in February of trying to focus on maintaining peace and joy, regardless of circumstances. The first is that when I want to maintain peace, it's not as hard as I thought. When I find myself in a position where I might have complained before, it takes about two seconds for me to remind myself that I'm not going to do that this month. Really, I've only said one thing to an official all month, and he promptly told me to shut up. So even when I forget, someone is there to remind me.

Granted, I haven't had any life-altering events that could lead me to the depths of despair, so it's not like I'm exceptionally battle-tested. However, that was true last month as well, and I was complaining then. So at least I know I've taken steps forward.

The second thing I learned is what the biggest source of frustration/anger/threats to peace is. I've tried to catalog the events that have caused me to get ruffled and lose peace. It's amazing how similar they all are. Ultimately, I've come to believe that unmet expectations are the great source of most people's (especially me) lack of peace.

When I get frustrated at home, it's because someone didn't meet an expectation. Perhaps I thought my wife was going to take care of something and she didn't. I may or may not have communicated that expectation; but if it was in my head that I expected something from her and didn't get it, peace vanishes and irritation rushes in.

I got mildly frustrated at an away game this weekend. I expect to get home late, as most of our games are 2 hours away. However, "Parent's Night" was scheduled for this school on this particular evening, and that event delayed our departure from their school by a good 45 minutes. My expectation of the latest I would get home was unmet. I got frustrated.

This is true at work, at home, for my plans on the weekends, and even during lunch by myself. When I don't get what I thought I'd get, I feel justified in getting angry and complaining. Which is stupid. When my wife doesn't do something I thought she'd do, I'm sure she has a great reason. And I'm sure that Parent's Night was important to those families (all 45 of the them) and a memorable evening for them. My problem in each case is the focus was on me and my agenda, not on others.

The bottom line here is that these expectations are merely a matter of entitlement on my end. This is the root cause of losing peace. The idea that I'm entitled to have an uninterrupted lunch or all officiating calls to go my way or to get done everything I schedule on a weekend is not only selfish, it's self-inflicting. Feeling entitled leaves no room for joy and countless opportunities for anger.

Sin leads to more sin. The sin of being self-serving, self-focusing, and self-entitling leads to the sin of living without joy and peace. The focus instead should be on God and others.