A Matter of Convenience

So this one might rock the boat a little bit. . .

I was made proud by my church recently. I was surprised to hear from an engaged friend of mine that she wasn't getting married in our church (both her and her husband-to-be attend regularly). Then she told me why: our church won't marry couples who are living together, membership or no membership.

A few around us heard the conversation and were appalled. They couldn't believe that the church would be so judgmental, so exclusionary; and they were more shocked that her and her fiance were still willing to step foot into that church. While I believe many were waiting for me to join in the chorus of boos, in my head I was thinking, Good for our church. My mouth took the middle ground and said nothing.

Before I get too far into this, this isn't a blog post that is an indictment on couples living together before they're married. I don't have the energy or the words for that kind of post. I've told anyone who has asked that I think it's a bad idea, and I'd counsel anyone against it if my opinion were sought. It usually isn't, and I rarely comment. This isn't about that. This is about sticking to convictions, even when it's not convenient.

I'm proud of our church in this regard because it is taking a principled stand based on its theology. They believe it's wrong to live and sleep together before marriage, they believe they are supported by the only Book they hold sacred, and they're sticking to that. It would be way more convenient for them to let it slide, to not ask the question, to marry all who ask, especially members. That would be popular and easy. But they don't. They don't want to hear about how much rent money is being saved or the fact that it's the 21st Century or that it's now the way of the world. Convenience doesn't rule their stance on this. I don't see a lot of this in churches today - most prefer to offer suggested "guidelines" than make their members uncomfortable.

I'm shocked by how much I see convenience rule the morality of the teenagers I see on a daily basis. They believe stealing is wrong, unless it's only a little bit and it's from someone richer than them. They believe lying is wrong, unless it will help them get out of trouble or pass a test. They believe in following rules, except when those rules infringe on their opinion of what the rules should be. I have so many students who would label themselves as "good kids" (as would their parents) who I see try to justify "little" indiscretions with illogical arguments regarding their own comfort.

I'm saddened to see the same in adults. Those professing no strong convictions or no allegiance to God have little to worry about. But if you say you believe something, you can't just believe it when it's convenient. You can't in one breath say that "God is love" and in the other cut down your spouse out of frustration. You can't say that you owe everything you have to God and then not tithe. And you can't say you believe in Jesus Christ and then ignore all the words of his that don't fit your lifestyle. People love to say, "Well, I just can't believe that a loving God would _____________." And they insert into that blank their version of a comfortable lifestyle. This is no faith at all. This is a creation of a God of convenience.

There are examples in my own life. One that really bugs me is not what I did, but what I haven't done. I've been asked several times how I ended up in Nebraska for two years out of college. Most of the time, out of convenience, my answer has gone somewhere along the lines of it being a good job with a good boss and a chance to be a head coach right away. These were benefits for sure, but I usually completely leave out the part about the day where I absolutely to the core of my soul knew that God told me I had to go. I like to tell myself I leave this part out because it might make the listener uncomfortable. A more accurate answer is that it might make me uncomfortable. I believe that sharing about God is essential, yet I've bowed out of easy opportunities like this out of convenience, out of my own weakness for comfort.

This post came out a little stronger, perhaps, than others have. Read no pride into these words - this sermon is as essential for me as anyone else. But I've grown so weary of the criticism hurled at the few still willing to take principled stands (even if they're ones with which I disagree); and I'm beaten down by a pluralistic, make-God-in-my-own-image culture. I had to say something.