But I Don't Feel Like It

As evidenced by my last post, I don't feel like going to work on Tuesday mornings. I don't even feel like getting out of bed. I don't feel tolerant, happy, friendly, or at peace. The only thing I feel like, frankly, is bitchy.

That's understandable, as Tuesday mornings are, by definition, the bane of my professional existence. However, there are plenty of really good things in my life that I often don't feel like. I love to write but often don't feel like writing. I love God but don't feel like praying or reading the Bible at times. I love my children but don't feel like reading to them, I love cleanliness but don't feel like cleaning, and I love basketball but don't feel like watching game tape. Mark Twain wrote once that classic books are "something everybody wants to have read but hasn't." That sounds like most of the virtues I seek in my life.

What we want and what we feel like is often at odds. It is rare for us to feel like doing something when it is that something that we most desperately need. I always feel like becoming a more disciplined eater after a huge meal, a couple of candy bars, and a tightening belt. When 10 pm comes around, I'm winding down for the evening, and the bag of Doritos is calling, what I feel like is significantly different. What I feel like I often can't have, and what I most need I rarely desire at the essential time.

C.S Lewis calls this "undulation," or a series of troughs and peaks. He uses this term regarding faith, which is of much greater consequence than Tuesday mornings, dieting, and exercise. And he's right. To rely on "feeling" to feed faith, one has a vision of God that metaphorically operates on a dimmer switch run by a two year old. And this is why when we feel least like praying, it is all the more essential. I used to reason with myself that I shouldn't make God into a chore - if I didn't feel like Bible reading or prayer, then I shouldn't fake my way through it. If God loves a cheerful giver, then surely he only has times for a cheerful pray-er as well. But it's amazing how little I pray when I leave it up to feeling.

God is infectious - the more of Him we have, the more we desire. But more so than infectious, God is unchanging. My mood is not.

Whether it's God, exercise, loving your spouse, or being friendly during the most unfriendly of professional obligations, don't wait until you feel like it. Do what you ought, and then see how you feel.