My last post established that conflict is everywhere and unavoidable. In light of that, I’d like to devote a couple of posts to commentary on conflict. Today I’d like to look at what I see is the biggest root of conflict: desire.
Ultimately, conflict arises because there is a discrepancy between desire and reality. If I am entering conflict with somebody else, it is because either my desires or their desires are not matching up with reality, and the other person is to blame. I desire silence and my kid starts screaming - conflict. I desire to use the copy machine, but it’s broke; and the person who broke it left it for me to deal with - conflict. I desire not to see the underpants of 17 year old boys, but they feel fashion dictates for them to wear their jeans down around their thighs - conflict. It’s all a matter of desire; if my desires aren’t met or I’m not meeting the expectations of others’ desired realities, there will be a battle. After all, conflict is inevitable.
As I said in my last post, some of these desires are worth fighting for. I want my classroom silent during worktime, and I’ll engage in conflict with anyone trying to disrupt that. I want my daughters to obey and respect their parents. I want Netflix to leave my movie rental plan alone. These are not unreasonable desires.
However, I think knowing that conflict is inevitable provides us an opportunity to examine our desires and see if they’re worthy. What that I desire is worth fighting for? What is worth the conflict? And what would be nice, but I could live without? I know that I have many desires. I’m human. I’m sure you do too. Do I really need to go to battle for all of them? Am I really entitled to all of my wants?
For Christians, the question is simplified even more: Is what I desire going to ultimately bring me more comfort, or more glory for God? I think a lot of desires fall into one of those two categories, and I’m not sure there’s a lot of gray in between. If the answer is comfort for self, it’s probably not worth the potential damage to relationships to fight for it. If the answer is for the glory of God, then we should relax and approach it calmly anyway: He is in complete control, and we are His servants.
When conflict arises today, ask yourself what you really want. Let the answer guide the conflict from there.
Ultimately, conflict arises because there is a discrepancy between desire and reality. If I am entering conflict with somebody else, it is because either my desires or their desires are not matching up with reality, and the other person is to blame. I desire silence and my kid starts screaming - conflict. I desire to use the copy machine, but it’s broke; and the person who broke it left it for me to deal with - conflict. I desire not to see the underpants of 17 year old boys, but they feel fashion dictates for them to wear their jeans down around their thighs - conflict. It’s all a matter of desire; if my desires aren’t met or I’m not meeting the expectations of others’ desired realities, there will be a battle. After all, conflict is inevitable.
As I said in my last post, some of these desires are worth fighting for. I want my classroom silent during worktime, and I’ll engage in conflict with anyone trying to disrupt that. I want my daughters to obey and respect their parents. I want Netflix to leave my movie rental plan alone. These are not unreasonable desires.
However, I think knowing that conflict is inevitable provides us an opportunity to examine our desires and see if they’re worthy. What that I desire is worth fighting for? What is worth the conflict? And what would be nice, but I could live without? I know that I have many desires. I’m human. I’m sure you do too. Do I really need to go to battle for all of them? Am I really entitled to all of my wants?
For Christians, the question is simplified even more: Is what I desire going to ultimately bring me more comfort, or more glory for God? I think a lot of desires fall into one of those two categories, and I’m not sure there’s a lot of gray in between. If the answer is comfort for self, it’s probably not worth the potential damage to relationships to fight for it. If the answer is for the glory of God, then we should relax and approach it calmly anyway: He is in complete control, and we are His servants.
When conflict arises today, ask yourself what you really want. Let the answer guide the conflict from there.
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