To be a Man

One real concern I've had over the past couple of years is that I would never really turn into a man. As I write this, I realize that to be a horribly ambiguous statement, so let me clarify. A man, to me, knows how to fix stuff. He knows how to build stuff, he's got a lot of tools, and he's got a truck to haul his tools or the stuff he's fixing. All I have is a truck. I don't know how to fix my truck when it breaks, I struggled mightily in "building" a roll-top cover for it, and mostly I haul nothing. I'm not a man. My goal is to some day be a man. My children will want a man in the house.

Luckily, my father is teaching me about being a man. He's got the truck full of tools and the know-how to use them. When he comes to my house, he asks for the list. "The list" is all the stuff I don't know how to do that I'm too cheap to pay for someone else to do. This is what he does for me. He comes to my house to work; if I pay close attention, I also get to learn. I learned English and athletics while growing up. That led me into a career, and I don't regret it. Now, however, I want to learn how to be a man. Slowly, one project at a time, I'm learning from my father.

I don't know how many 30 year olds will admit to needing their father. Our individualistic culture has encouraged us to not need anybody. I've got no problem, though, admitting that I need mine.

Here's the thing, though. In all of this learning, I've learned something completely different and more important about being a man and being a father. My dad gives his kids what he can give. He does for us what he can do and is available to give what he's got. I look around my house, and half of the furniture in it has been created by him. I can't walk through a room in my house without pointing to something Dad has made better. He knows what he has to offer, he recognizes need, and he's there.

I doubt I'll ever make furniture. I hope to get good with power tools someday, but mostly I just hope to learn their names soon. What I can do, though, if I'm going to be a man in my house, is give what I've got to give, whatever that is, wherever my kids are. My father taught me that.

Fruit or Folly?

"Never mistake activity for achievement."
-John Wooden

About a month ago I wrote a post called training in which I discussed how time consuming having young children can be and how little time I had to do some of the things I enjoy, especially Bible reading and prayer. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I would have to use my previous training of reading and prayer in order to live well in this current stage of my life. I'm testing that theory this month.

In another self-inflicted move of "busyness," I've filled my calendar in the month of June, but I've done it with priorities. Other than watching my girls all summer, there are 3 outside activities I'm devoting time to:

• Coaching Basketball: To those of you who haven't heard, I'm now the assistant varsity coach at Mason City. This is the position I've wanted for a while working with the coach I've wanted to work with for a while. If this scenario hadn't occurred, I was probably done coaching. June is filled with camps and open gyms.
• Umpiring high school baseball games. Usually 4 nights a week I'm on a baseball diamond.
• Grad school. Completing two courses simultaneously beginning this week. It's a summer session, so that means more work in less time.

Though my schedule is now way past full, I maintain that these were good decisions driven by some of my core values. I believe I can improve the lives of young athletes through coaching. It provides me the influence that I can have in no other way to help teach kids life skills. Umpiring is good money usually with people I enjoy being around. This allows me to bring home decent money over the summer to my family without ever having to bring my girls to daycare. Grad school is making me a better teacher. And helping me bring home more money for my family. It also could open up opportunities later for positions of greater influence.

This could also all be a huge waste if not approached correctly. Either I remain in God with these activities and produce real fruit, or I engage in activity for activity's sake and simply run from one place to another. I realized tonight that in order for this to be a productive month, I've got to make sure:

• I'm coaching basketball passionately to build up kids, not to be recognized in a position of greater importance than my last one. This can't be about me, and I've got to be very careful about that.
• My job is to serve as an umpire, just as if I were serving God. These games aren't for me to survive and collect a check; they are another opportunity to represent Christ.
• My motivation for grad school must not be to improve my standing with others, but to improve my skills in working with others.

Bottom line - either I'm with God in these endeavors, or I'm on my own trying to survive. I've done both before in my life. My experience tells me John Wooden is right.

The Death of Expectations

Though I haven't been able to write over the past couple of weeks because of my schedule, I have been collecting instances in which I've noticed a rash of low or non-existent expectations, especially around teenagers.

1. The phrase "Well at least I'm being honest," has always been one that's bothered me from students. They could have killed their sibling, but if they follow it with, "Well, at least I'm honest," it's as if all sins are absolved. When did honesty cease becoming an expectation? When did we get to the point where lying is expected and that great strides in character have been taken for being honest?

I thought that was bad and have always chastised students for that. During the last week of school, I realized that the situation had worsened. Instead of "At least I'm honest," I began to hear students say "Well, at least I'm here." Now attendance isn't an expectation - it's proof of character.

2. I recently read comments by Iowa State University's athletic director about athletes transferring that I thought were telling as well:
However, it also helps to keep our transfers in perspective. My peers and I continually discuss the epidemic around the country in the sport of basketball. In the past two years over 500 men’s basketball players have transferred from a Division I team to another program. That number is absolutely amazing. Unfortunately if a kid’s world is not absolutely perfect (in their mind), they run from the problem rather than deal with it. Makes you wonder if it is the first signs of our society’s change in our early education program (no longer give kids grades – everybody passes; can’t keep score, everybody has to win; if you do not like something, have mom or dad complain on your behalf). Personally I wonder how that generation is going to survive in the real world when mom or dad or AAU coach are not there for them during their first job interview or first job evaluation. The bottom line is life is not a video game, you can’t just hit reset if you do not like your initial score.

3. A recent Time magazine article detailed studies across the nation aimed at paying students for grades, attendance, homework, etc. This is considered a viable reform option in getting kids more motivated to perform in school.

I close this school year not with optimism, but with fear for the future. I suppose that's a fitting end to a difficult year. I wish I could put a positive spin on trends both in teenagers and in educational policy. I simply can't.

Well, at least I'm being honest.