Clawing out

I fear the road out of spiritual darkness is a long one. I wrote last time about the "reality of here," and I'm finally getting around to trying to dig myself out. The most embarrassing thing about my writing is that I have nothing to complain about. Currently, I am financially secure, healthy, and comfortable. I have a terrific family and great friends; and both are relatively near to me geographically. I am not sick. I'm not in the middle of a divorce or on my way to one. I don't fear for my safety daily. I have limitless opportunities each day. All this by the grace of God.

Those facts, though, make it ridiculous for me to write about spiritual darkenss when so many I know have real complaints, real tragedies, real obstacles. Do not read this post and the previous one as insults. Personally embarrassing for me, yes. But certainly I have no intent to disrespect those with real problems.

The evidence suggests that I don't have real problems. My state of mind, however, suggests otherwise. So I've begun the digging out process.

I know I've got to start with prayer. Prayer is tough when you're "here." It's like not seeing an acquaintance for about 5 years (mostly because you didn't ever have time to return their phone calls), then running into them. What do you say? Sorry I'm an ass?

I know reading the Bible is key. But that feels like homework right now. 90% of the time reading the Bible feels like sitting down with an old friend. It's better than anything I've read, and I'm a literature teacher who loves what I teach. But right now it's not speaking to me. And a big part of the reason is my focus on all my work piling up on me.

I know I've got to lower my stress. But there's nothing greater (sarcasm, sarcasm) than demanding to a stressful person to knock it off, quit being stressed. Right now!!! Balance would lower stress, I'm sure. But balance would get fewer things done. Fewer things done would create more stress. A beautiful cycle.

I'm trying. I'm clawing. I'm desperate. And as I said to start, all things considered, I'm living a great life. I just can't wait to get out of "here." The journey continues. . .