Why I Don't Want My Kids to Read the Sports Page

The sports page is no longer sacred reading space. It is no longer safe.

On a typical Sunday morning, I rise before the rest of the house, start a pot of coffee, and walk down to the gas station 2 blocks away to pick up a the Des Moines Sunday Register. Upon returning home and pouring the first cup, my habit, the same now in my thirties as it was as a teen, is to dig a few sections in to begin my morning with the sports page. While I do now get through every section, I always begin there. I don't like what I now am seeing.

In an effort that can only be explained by a desire to be "cutting-edge," The Register has regular full-length articles on what is being said about the beloved Hawkeyes and Cyclones on Twitter. Rather that analyzing another aspect of each game, a summary of social media activity is provided. All manner of passionate pearls of unfiltered wisdom are celebrated and given the recognition and distinction of being printed rather than scrolled through. Apparently I should care more about what former Cyclones have tweeted about the season, or about how "BonduHawk" and "SparrowHawk" would have coached the Hawks to victory. These words are worthy of ink.

This is made-up drama, ridiculous junior high temper tantrum-style venting that gives the speaker (or "tweeter") maximum exposure with minimum responsibility. It is foolishness. It is trashy. And it is littering my newspaper. This Northern Iowa Panther fan was none too pleased to see these two articles take up more space than the actual football game they played in which they took down the nation's longest winning streak. But even for the non-Panther, unbiased reader, I weep. For you have nowhere to go.

Lest I put this on The Register, I must include the fact that USA Today includes in their Sports Section the "Tweets of the Day." A quick perusal of the ESPN website now has 7 of their top 10 headlines not about actual contests played by teams or news directly affecting the outcomes of games. Instead we are pushed to drama: rumors, pouting, betrayal, and dollar signs. Professional wrestling has fewer manipulated story angles than does ESPN trying to promote their product. It is discouraging.

Drama sells. It sells so well that some people buy it, consume it, and try to sell it anew in fresh packaging, placing their own label over the old one. Substance is a commodity that is lacking; our society is too often told that just the facts are not enough to hold anyone's attention. To matter, one cannot merely go about quietly doing their job well; instead they must offer their reckless and half-considered opinions on the work of others and attend to reality and their own affairs only as a last result.

Social media is not the culprit. I'm using Twitter and Facebook to share this post. But my tweets are not news. And neither are yours. Nor are the ones that enrage you. And most certainly, BonduHawk's and SparrowHawk's words are hardly worth mentioning either.

Young readers, avoid the sports page at all costs. Do not buy what they are selling. You will be told that the game doesn't matter, only what people are saying about it does. You will be encouraged to lose yourself in assumptions and accusations. Save yourself the time and the paper and get all of this you want from daytime TV.

I've always believed thapt sports can tell us a lot about life. I still believe that. But I can no longer look in the sports section to find that. The comics offer a far better opportunity.