One of the Best Questions I've Been Asked

Just like 20,000-30,000 others of the biking brethren, my excitement grows this time of year. In less than a week I'll join them on the highways and back roads of Iowa to pedal the days away, periodically stopping to gorge ourselves on Farm Boys breakfast burritos and pie and pork chops and good times. July is RAGBRAI month, and I'm ready to go.

This time of year, it is nearly impossible to be on a bike ride or even standing near your bike and not get asked the question, "Are you going on RAGBRAI?" Now that I can answer in the affirmative, I love getting asked that question. Saying yes means being in on something big, something newsworthy, something scores of towns are preparing for as I write. 

I heard a question I like even better the other day, though. 

Last Thursday I rode my bike from Nora Springs into Mason City to go meet with my group that is studying Biblical exposition. Naturally, seeing the bike led to a discussion of my upcoming participation in the festivities.

My enthusiasm led to being asked a question that I've now come to believe is one of the most important questions we can ask others in our lives, regardless of the topic. My fellow student softly, inquisitively asked, "So what's so great about it?"

After remembering that exchange (during the solitary hours of a bike ride, I might add), I realized the power in that simple question. By asking me that, this guy was inviting me to talk about something I loved. He was asking to hear me get excited, to describe experiences that I cherish, to bask in the memories and emotions of something on which I spend a great deal of time and energy. Frankly, it was an invitation for me to feel good about something that was important to me because it was an opportunity to share it. It's a brilliant question.

There was nothing for him to gain by asking it. He isn't going on RAGBRAI. I doubt he ever will. He didn't ask hoping for his mind to be changed about it or to get information for himself. The question was completely and totally asked for my benefit. And I now realize just how rare of a question that is.

Asking that question of our spouses, our siblings, our neighbors, and our coworkers I believe can transform those relationships. And even if it doesn't, asking it will at the very least transform that day for the person who gets to talk about what you asked about. What's so great about gardening? About soccer? About urban chickens? Or if I'm asking my students, what's so great about the game Clash of Clans? 

There is a more common form of this question that gets asked all the time. The words are the same, but the tone is different. Incredulity drowns the question, offering mockery rather than excitement. Asking, "What's so great about it?" in this way seeks to belittle and to justify not being interested in it, not getting caught up in it, not wasting your time on it. The question asked this way is for the benefit of the questioner, not the one being questioned.

Instead, find somebody this week to offer that question to. Then listen. Stand there, smiling, and let them talk. Resist the urge to jump into their dialogue with your own, "That reminds exactly of when I . . ." comment. There will be another time for that. I promise. This time, this question is just for them. 

If you want to surround yourself with positive, exciting people each day at work, if you want to spark some passion out of your spouse, if you want to reconnect with an old friend or begin a connection with a a new one, start asking the right questions. This one is sure to produce results.