Remember Me Not: What I'm Learning From the Life of Steve Jobs

I'm currently reading the biography on Steve Jobs that came out within the last year. I'm only about 125 pages into it (it runs 600 pages), but it's striking how many people remember just how big of a jerk he was.

Right now I'm up to the late 70's and early 80's when Apple was growing and began creating the Macintosh computer. The author performed most of the interviews for this book in the last couple of years. In vivid detail, over and over and over again, the people who worked with him recall specific ugly events from three decades ago. Some remember how innovative he was, even back then; but those memories are drowning in a sea of angry anecdotes.

I don't write this to throw Steve Jobs under the bus. I never met him. I hear he had an amazing mind and revolutionized industries that I don't understand. He was human. But the point here, is clear: people remember the ugly stuff. In bright, colorful (and likely exaggerated) detail, they can still see in their minds the time that you said. . . whatever it was you shouldn't have. And whether or not they respect you or forgive you, they're going to remember when you were at your worst.

I find this especially relevant to coaches. I can't count the number of times I've heard people, especially adults long past their athletic endeavors, recount the time that some coach said this or that, shattered their spirit, and screwed them over. That coach committed the unforgivable sin of saying the wrong thing. Once. Maybe twice. But once or twice is enough to be remembered for a lifetime.

It's not just coaches, though, that are in this boat. We all are. I had one superintendent who was good to me for most of three years; but in his last year working with me, he lied to my face. I haven't forgotten it. I've had friends, past and present, who were great 99% of the time. I've forgotten some of the good; but even though the past is done and there are no grudges, I can still remember the few times I've felt wronged. And I know there are countless students, athletes, co-workers, and friends who will probably remember me the way Steve Jobs' co-workers and friends remembered him.

This is unavoidable, but it doesn't have to be prevalent. Knowing this about human nature, be careful. Today's words matter. Before that first cup of coffee, speak less. When angry or in confrontation, choose words carefully. If you're in a position of authority or influence, demand of yourself to be "on" all the time. Actions may speak louder than words, but words are usually remembered longer when they're the wrong ones.