Just a Little Nudge

I'm currently at a conference for English teachers in Des Moines, and at a session yesterday a random statement by one of the presenters stood out to me. He was talking about providing feedback on student writing assignments, and he said that he no longer takes it upon himself to "save" the paper for students. He understands that there's no way he's going to transform any student into a perfect writer overnight. Instead, he tries to give them a nudge in the right direction. Enough nudges, and eventually they'll get where they need to be in their writing.

I see profound implications in this for all of us, teachers and non-teachers alike. In a world that attempts to provide us with exactly what we want when we want it, the one thing we can't immediately have is change in those in our sphere of influence.

If you teach, coach, preach, or lead anywhere, you know where you want those whom you influence to go. And you know they're not there. You also know that you'll beat your head against a myriad of walls if you expect that change to come today, right now, immediately. Most of my students do not love literature. Some couldn't find a thesis statement if it tweeted itself to them. As much as I want to shake some sense into them some days, screaming about how good and rich and pure and necessary literacy skills are, it just doesn't work that way. Instead, I have 180 days to nudge them, gently, without them knowing it.

This is applicable for every relationship you are in. Your spouse is not going to magically change today. I don't care what wonderland of a marriage you have, there is likely something you are dying to change about your spouse. It will not change today. Quit expecting it. If it matters - if the change truly will add value to your relationship and a lack of change will limit your bliss - then try to nudge. Do this with your co-workers, your siblings, your parents, and your neighbors. Wherever you hope for something better, wherever improvement in a relationship can occur, slowly, winsomely, nudge.

Lest we forget, we also need a push in the right direction ourselves. Most of us know this and want better from ourselves and for ourselves. Much of this blog is about self-improvement. But here's what we've got to understand: we also aren't going to change overnight. No book or study or conference is going to change our lives immediately. Neither is any toy. We will not wake up tomorrow and be the person we want to be simply by wanting it or by being aware of our flaws. Patience, therefore, must be a virtue we allow for ourselves as well. That patience, though, must be coupled with purposeful pushes. We must choose wisely what will nudge us.

We cannot choose whether or not to be nudged. We are being nudged every minute of every day, in one direction or another. I'm attempting to nudge you right now. That decision is out of our hands. The question is, what are we allowing to do the nudging? Are we controlling the direction? Are we even aware of the direction?

I get 180 days with my students. You get a lifetime for you. Go get nudged.