First, sports teach the realities of relationship-building. The #1 truth about building relationships is that the quickest/best/longest-lasting way to do so is through shared experiences, especially challenging ones. Regardless of the number of "ice-breakers" that are tried in groups of adults thrown together, or the attempts to garner friendships through online chatting or streams of text-messages, those activities pale in comparison to intense shared experiences. Sports provide that.
When I make a list of the 10-12 friends with whom I am closest, almost all of them have a connection with me that is athletically related. Whether I coached with them or competed with them, the experiences we shared taught us to trust each other, laugh together, face challenges together, and care about each other's lives. While those relationships didn't end with our shared athletic experience, they did begin there. Without facing practices and games and frustrations and triumphs in the same physical space and time, we never would have realized that we enjoy each others' company.
Sports teach that relationships are solidified through having tough conversations. In sports, you have to be able to tell other people when they've screwed up; and you've got to be willing to hear that from others as well. You have to communicate quickly and efficiently in high energy situations. You have to listen. You learn that your body language says something in your relationshisp, and you learn that you need to back up what you say with actions. When you reach the point where you're comfortable doing that, you know you've got a bond. How many marriages or friendships are missing the ability to communicate in this way?
Sports provide strangers a connection. Men in church especially need this. While it may seem stupid and sacrilegious for banter about the college football season to dominate the testosterone-dominated corners of the church lobby, it's actually a chance to have the conversations that lead to the "meaningful" ones. Ted Kluck, whose book The Reason for Sports is one I mentioned in an earlier post, offers these two points about fantasy football:
- "Fantasy football gives men something to talk about in the church lobby. Believe it or not, 'How's your fantasy team doing?' is much more 'authentic' and helpful than the kind of 'How are you?' . . . 'Fine, how are YOU?' . . . 'Fine' dialogue that has happened between men in church lobbies since the beginning of church-lobby time."
- "Fantasy football offers men a mechanism to keep in touch and stay in relationships. I have probably been in around ten to twelve men's small groups since leaving college, but I have stayed in one fantasy league, where I have seen my co-owners marry and have children, though thankfully never on Draft Day. And in spite of the axes that I grind regarding trades, I have probably grown in my friendships with all of them and consider myself lucky to actually have friends, because most Christian men don't seem to have any."
Sports require road trips. A couple of weekends ago I drove down to Cedar Falls with my wife and my former assistant coach to watch a UNI basketball game. We met my father there, as well as two of my former players. After the game we all went out to supper together. This fall I went to two Iowa State football games, a team for which I don't particularly have any rooting interest. I did this to celebrate the 40th birthday of one friend and to simply have an excuse to drive down to Ames and hang out with another. I don't remember the scores of those games, but I do remember the conversations, the laughs, and the time spent with the important people in my life. Going to games together doesn't make or break these relationships, but it sure does help me enjoy them.
I am closer to my wife, my parents, and many of my friends because of time spent with sports. I have met countless adults and counseled hundreds of kids because I coach. Win or lose, that's why sports are good.
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