Reputation Gone Awry

I'm stuck this week with commentary but no answer to the commentary. I welcome all comments - I'd love fresh perspective on this one.

The question I've been turning over in my head is this: "How should I be seen by the world? What should my reputation in the world be?"

I'm big on reputation. I teach the value of it, and I've worked hard to develop mine. Basically I believe that my daily actions slowly create a reputation amongst others, and that collection of daily actions becomes my identity to them. Most people can list qualities that they'd like to be known for or that they believe about themselves - I'm a nice person, I'm generous, I'm passionate, I'm good at my job, I love my family. . . - but the question is whether or not their daily actions reflect those things. I've tried to teach my students and my basketball players that their actions on a daily basis speak of their character and their priorities and they should be very intentional about the messages they are sending about themselves to others. This week I was confronted with my own reputation.

I found out that one of my bosses (in education you have many) doesn't necessarily like the job I do. Of course I wasn't told that by the boss (another education perk: we believe in many bosses, zero honesty and feedback), but it was by a credible source. I was also told that I'm "polarizing." At first I was very upset. I've worked at this school as a teacher and coach for 3 years now, as long as any other position I've held. I felt like when I left my previous schools, I did so after obtaining respect from students, co-workers, and bosses alike. I'm sure I wasn't liked by everyone, but I certainly felt respected by most. Now, 3 years into this position, I was told I'm seen as a polarizing figure who isn't necessarily suited for more responsibility.

I've calmed down since. When I was upset, it wasn't in self-defense; I was disappointed in myself for building this reputation and was trying to figure out how to change that. I've been doing some thinking, though. How good of a reputation do I really want in this world?

I say that because many times in the New Testament, Christ guarantees trials and tribulations in this world. He says that if you follow Him, there's a great chance the world will hate you. This is good, He says, because we are not to be of the world. If the world loves us, we fit too well in this land.

However, it is also a New Testament theme that we are to represent Christ well in all that we do. We are to be Christ (in actions) to our neighbors. When we take on the name "Christian," what we do affects the reputation of Christ and the Church. I'm not sure the best way to do that is openly alienate all those around me.

I guess the question I have to ask myself is whether or not my actions are Christ-like. Christ was polarizing. Christ spoke hard truths (in love) to others, and they got pretty pissed off about it. He had enough people hate Him that he was executed with no evidence of wrongdoing. Yet he had fiercely loyal followers.

I'm not sure what this means to me. Obviously I don't want to necessarily be polarizing. The more people I can draw to me as a credible, caring person, the better Christ is represented. More dangerous than polarizing, though, would be compromising. And if I am polarizing because I don't compromise my faith, my views of morality, and my unwillingness to accept mediocrity from students and players, then polarizing is something I can embrace.

Thoughts?

Seeing God this weekend

While I can't remember the exact Psalm off the top of my head, I know that in one of them the writer expresses that evidence of God exists everywhere. Everywhere we look, we can see God here on earth. This weekend, and really all the time, one of the the greatest pictures for me of God here on earth is my mother. When I think about her words and actions when I'm with her, I realize I've seen the goodness of God. Here are some examples.

"Let the little children come to me."
My mother has time, patience, and energy for both of my daughters all of the time. I don't think I'll ever be able to match that level of patience. My 2 1/2 year old sprints to her when she sees her. When Mom visits, she's the first to the one month old in the middle of the night to rock her, and Mom looks like she feels like the luckiest person in the world in the morning for getting to do that.

Fervent prayer.
I remember Christ praying with great passion for his disciples, and I know how fervently Mom prays for her kids. Of course, we've given her many reasons to pray over the years. I know, though, that when Mom says she's praying for us, she really is praying for us.

Servant-heart.
When Mom comes to visit, all of a sudden dirty dishes disappear, the house is picked up, and laundry is magically finished. It's sometimes a chore to get her to sit down and just talk.

"In all things God works for the good of those who love Him."
Mom provides constant strength in times of desperation. When I'm tired and desperate for help, she is there. I don't like to be vulnerable around other people and appear as if I don't have everything under control, but I will with her. And I know she will do everything she can for my good.

Feed the 5 thousand.
This weekend we had several guests staying at our house for the wedding who arrived on Thursday evening. Emily remembered that we didn't have much in the house for breakfast and instructed me to get milk so we could at least eat cereal. A couple hours later Mom showed up, toting a large container of bagels from Panera. Later in the week she took me and Elise and my future brother-in-law out to lunch. A favorite dessert bar amongst Emily's family is named after Mom, who introduced the family to it. While it might not be quite 5 thousand people each time, like her mother before her, it's impossible to go hungry around Mom.

God has most certainly made it easy for me to see Him here on earth.

Training

So I've figured out that having two kids is hard. I knew one kid was tough, but two is really hard. Really hard. Many of you have been there. You're the ones laughing right now. You know that it's rare for both to sleep at the same time, that the oldest one doesn't recognize the fact that the youngest was up all night screaming, and that you basically give up all rights to anything you, personally, alone want to get done. Maybe it will get done; probably it won't. And there is crap strewn throughout your entire house (figuratively and literally), but you just don't care. It's wonderful - it's just mass chaos most of the time.

I haven't written a blog post in 2 weeks. I haven't worked out since. . . March? February? I barely get my dog walked. Worse, though, is that it's really tough finding time to read my Bible and pray. Doing that is strength for me and considered a vital part of a Christian's life. It just isn't getting done right now.

I can't decide if that's okay or not, but I'm figuring out a little bit that it's going to have to be okay. Maybe that's a weak copout or excuse, but life is just going to be like this for a while. Wonderful, but chaotic. The more I've thought about this, though, the more I've figured out that this is what I've been training for.

This is a test of the Christian training I've done throughout my life. I read and pray to be effective in the life situations in which God puts me. This is a life situation. Therefore, this is a test of my training. How effective am I when I'm tired? How well do I treat my wife? How well do I love my children? How well do I do my job, and how do I treat the people I come in contact with each day? How do I respond to adversity?

I think I've said this before, but fatigue has got to be the root of most sin. I've had some pretty angry displays when tired, and I've seen some significant sleep-deprived tirades from others as well. If I'm being 100% honest in this blog, I've got to admit that in the past month I've felt the following when tired:
- I've tried to keep score with my wife, and gotten frustrated when I thought I was ahead in terms of child care or household duties or workload.
- I've wanted to take Leah, the one month old, back to the store and perhaps get a fish instead.
- I've wanted to complain and mope and whine about the ineffective manner in which my school is operating and the way staff are treated.
- I've wanted to kill freshmen. Many freshmen. Long, painful, torturous deaths. And film them. And watch them over and over and over.

In the midst of this fatigue and frustration and lack of power from prayer or from Bible-reading, my reactions and my ability to conquer base emotions are a sign of my training. How far into my frustration do I remember my call to love my wife sacrificially, whether I feel like it or not? Or my call to lead my family well and the immense blessing that children are? Or my faith that God is in control, that he hasn't guaranteed any level of comfort in this life, and that my words in tough times reveal what I really believe about God to the world?

There have been days that I remember well and shut down the self-centered, woe is me garbage that I'm prone to. There have been others in which I've wallowed in frustration, almost embraced it in an "I deserve to feel like this!" manner. So far, though, I've experienced more of the former. And that's good. If I can't handle the wonderful chaos, how will I handle the inevitable disastrous chaos that will occur at some point in my life?

One of my favorite movies is Top Gun, and just before the final battle, one of the of superiors tells the fighter pilots after detailing the upcoming battle, "This is what you've been trained for. Make us proud." This is indeed what I've been trained for.

Health Care and Chainsaws

Although I enjoy discussing politics a great deal, I've stayed away from commenting on the health care debate that has gripped our nation over the past year. I came across an article this week, however, that has inspired me to write.

I'd like to start by making two statements about my stance here:
1. If you're hoping or waiting for the government to solve all your problems or to make anything perfect, you're a fool.

2. If you're waiting for the invisible hand of the market to solve all problems or for individuals to use their freedom to act responsibly in their own best interest, you're equally foolish.

I suppose that makes me an independent. . .

Anyway, the article I read was about faith-based health care cooperatives. These people don't have health insurance - they belong to these co-ops and collectively take care of each others' medical bills. They are asked to donate a monthly amount, and each month they are given the address and names of others in the co-op who need that money for their medical bills. When they themselves have medical bills, they submit their need to the leaders of the coop, who funnel enough money their way to cover the expenses. Though the article emphasizes the faith required in others in the coop coming through, there has yet to be a medical expense that wasn't covered for a member.


This is the way a church should act. The church shouldn't be looking for a free market solution or a government solution. A church should take care of its own. The members of the Acts church did this. They took care of those who needed care, shared what they had, and supported where needed. There was no unmet need among them. Why doesn't this exist more? When I need my car fixed, why don't I turn to those in my church who can meet that need? Or when I need a baby-sitter? Or a chainsaw? Or financial advise? Or tutor? Or snowblower?


Imagine the sheer amount of money spent by individuals in the private sector when qualified individuals who can fill the need exist in the church? Why does everybody own one of everything, when conceivably all members of a church could share their possessions that they've hoarded. I know I sound like I'm advocating for some hippy utopian paradise. Maybe I am. It doesn't sound all that illogical to me, though. It's working for the thousands getting their health "insurance" this way.


All of this got me to thinking about my small town and how my community of people here acts like this vision I have for church. This week my neighbor came over and picked the excess grass off my lawn with his riding lawn mower, helped me fertilize my lawn, and brought his chainsaw over to work on a bush that needed taken out. That same friend and another sacrificed a day of their Spring Break with their heads under my sink trying to fix a plumbing problem. Another community member shows up with his 4-wheeler when the snow is really deep to help me with my driveway. Last summer I told another neighbor about some landscaping work I was doing. When I came back outside after a break, I found landscaping materials cut exactly the size I needed sitting in my lawn. This same man was out on the coldest morning of the year, trying to help a friend of mine who was staying at my house start her car.


I've been on roofs doing manual labor in the middle of hot July days, I've taken care of pets, and other odd jobs around here. I won't ever come close to repaying the work done and the equipment borrowed in my community. When I moved here I was told there is only one rule: Don't keep score.


My family is terrific like this, too. That's why I'm so glad that I live close to our families, glad that I didn't have to relocate this year. They love with sacrificial love, and they've saved Emily and I on an almost daily basis. Good families, like good communities, do this. I have both.

I guess I believe good churches should do this too. Churches are great when it comes to weddings and funerals and major tragedies. I'm not saying that. I just don't see it often in the day to day needs people have that could be taken care of by other church members. Instead of waiting on the government or relying on ourselves, why not help each other in the day to day? Like with health coverage. Or chainsaw work on a spring afternoon.

More on 3 Cups of Tea

Allah Akbhar! It looks like my job won't be eliminated this year. I am blessed. I will have a job next school year. Inshallah. (See previous post for translations).

Tonight I'm posting comments about fellow grad students' papers over Three Cups of Tea, and I was reminded of one of the Pakistanis in the book who was instrumental to the success of Mortenson. Abdul Shah was a local in 'Pindi, who with nothing to gain, served Mortenson and helped him accomplish his goals.

Being reminded of his actions by another student's paper got me thinking, so I thought I'd share what I wrote on our class's discussion board:

"It's difficult when I put myself into Abdul Shah's position. I like to think of myself as a generous, helpful person. We all would like to believe that about ourselves, I think. However, would I do what he did? Would I serve an outsider in this manner? Shine his shoes? Spend a day haggling for supplies and risk my personal reputation in a community I must live in for the rest of my life? All for an "infidel"?

It seems like good common sense when we read it because we know how this story ends - Mortenson is a good guy doing good things. Shah has no idea how this story will end, though. And many Americans have given him little reason to have faith that a benevolent, sacrificial foreigner exists. This is a true picture of generosity - the kind that costs you something and comes at a great risk."

What I learned from Islam

I recently read the book Three Cups of Tea for grad school. The book is about a man, Greg Mortenson, who has helped to build schools in the villages of Pakistan and Afghanistan, especially schools for girls. Mortenson, an American, is largely successful because he exhibits enough humility to get to know the people he is helping and their ways of life. One of the tenants of life in that area of the world is Islam.

One of the first things that comes into the heads of most Americans when those countries and the word "Islam" are together is terrorism. It's tragic, but it's true. Terrorism, though, comes from radical Islam. Radical Islam is awful. But so is radical Christianity. The Des Moines Register ran an article today about the protesting presence at Drake University of members of that Baptist "church" from Topeka who go disrupt military funerals and walk around with signs carrying such pearls of wisdom as "God hates Fags," "God hates Jews," and "Fags are Beasts." Their leader said the dead coal miners in the West Virginia tragedy this week are now "burning in hell." Radical anything is dangerous, an abominition, and tragically colors the reputation of non-radicals. Aligning terrorists with the Islamic faith is foolish. Aligning me this Topeka crew is just as insulting.

Having learned through this book about several individuals who are passionate followers of Islam, I was impressed by a couple of things:

1. "Allah Akbhar!" This phrase was commonly used and roughly translates into "Glory/Thanks be to God." It is said with passion. Every major positive event is followed with this phrase. There is immediate gratitude to God, and all blessings are attributed to him. It is not luck or chance. I am blessed daily. I do not carry the phrase "Thanks be to God" around with me, however. Too many days I feel entitled to my blessings.

2. "Inshallah." Another common phrase meaning "God willing." When Mortenson relates his plans to locals, his words are often responded to with this. They don't tell God his will, and they don't expect their lives to go perfectly. They will be blessed, God willing. They will see friends or family again, God willing. They will live through the next day, God willing. They recognize their dependence on God, and they respect when His will is not what they have planned.

3. They stopped everything 5 times a day for prayer. They go through a cleansing ritual before praying out of respect for God, and they drop absolutely everything to pray. There were no excuses. There was no busyness getting in the way. I can imagine it is much easier to thank God and rely on God's will and attribute great blessings to Him when one unconditionally responds to His goodness 5 times a day.

4. Ramadan. During this one month holiday, all Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset, out of respect to God and as a way of "fine-tuning" their spiritual devotion. One month. They don't give up chocolate. They don't give up chewing gum. They fast for a month, in honor of God.

These are a patient people. Their faith enables them to endure a great number of hardships with persistence. I am not suggesting I should become a follower of Islam. Christ is the only path to salvation, and I pray that these passionate and devoted people embrace Christ.

The bottom line, though, is that their devotion can be learned from. Their faithfulness is an example Christians should seek to match. They don't blow up buildings - they make God the prominent focus in their lives.

Doing Great Things

I turned 30 this weekend. As a friend of mine said, you never really think you'll be 30 until you are. Well, here I am.

I always intended to reflect a bit about what I've done over 30 years, especially the last ten or so years that I've had some freedom. I haven't really done that - the closest I've come is resolving to join Facebook in the near future so I can join the rest of the world. I'm still holding strong, however, on my resolve to avoid a cell phone plan.

A great fear of mine has always been that of being inconsequential, of being ordinary. I hate to say it because it sounds so self-centered, but I think I have to add to that list a fear of being forgotten. I want what I do to matter, to be able to say I took what I've been given and accomplished great things. On responsible days, I want to do great things for God. On most days, I want to do great things for me and say they are for God. On bad days I just want to feed my ego.

It's that desire to do big things for God that came up in my mind while I was reading some of Oswald Chambers' writing tonight, and something caught my eye. The following quote speaks volumes:

"Walking on the water is easy. . ., but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is a different thing. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he followed Him afar off on the land. We do not need the grace of God to stand crises. . . but it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours in every day as a saint, to go through drudgery as a disciple, to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is inbred in us that we have to do exceptional things for God; but we have not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in the mean streets, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes."

I've always listed Peter as one of the 3 people from history that I'd love to speak with. My primary reason is that he walked on water. I'd love to know what that was like, to know how he mustered the faith, to know what he was thinking. But it's clear that isn't the story. The questions I should be asking should be about what it was liking walking next to Christ on a daily basis.

I don't know if I've accomplished a whole lot in my first 30 years, and I don't know what I'll accomplish in the next 30 (if I get them). I'll let God be the judge of that. I am beginning to realize, though, the value of being extraordinary in the mundane. And just how much prayer it will require to be a twenty-four hour a day saint.